Wednesday, 22 August 2012

Leading Her Astray

So, it’s the first week in which I am working full time and the schedule has broken down already.  Which is bad when we look forward to the next few weeks.  I am going to be getting used to a new schedule and timetable for quite a while, which means that the blog may well hit a few road blocks on its journey to worldwide fame.  Sorry about this, once I know how things are going to work, I will establish a new routine and there will once more be regular issues of the tales of super girl and her clumsy, doomed to make every parenting mistake there is, father.

Speaking of examples.  I try to be a good example to my daughter.  She is, and has been for a while, capable of watching me and wanting to copy me.  In fact she has seemed to have been aware of what we were doing from much earlier than I had expected.  But now she is just like an eagle.  She doesn’t miss anything.  Which means that you have to be on your guard constantly in case you happen to do something that you might not want her to emulate.  Which, I’m sure, for most of you is simple, but as I have mentioned in the past, I’m not entirely confident that I am responsible enough to be looking after a child, which can lead to some awkward situations.
For instance: throwing a stuffed toy across the room to my wife is not something I would have hesitated to do before we had the little observer, it is an essentially harmless activity.  There’s nothing that can go wrong, the little critter sails across the room into the arms of my wife and nobody is hurt, it may even develop into an intricate game of catch, with rules, out lines and points for style, which will of course be multiplied by degree of difficulty. (Because really, what isn’t improved by the application of a degree of difficulty multiplier, nothing, that’s what.  Possibly my greatest shallow desire right now is for an app on my phone which calculates the degree of difficulty of my walk to work and then works out a final score based on average speed multiplied by DoD.)   However, until that app comes out I will just have to content myself with an innocent, and alarmingly competitive, game of catch with a small tiger. 

Enter the daughter.  Laser-like, her gaze is drawn to the small animal gliding through the air like a salmon.  Suddenly the game is interrupted by the smallest and most excited pitch invader that you have ever seen.  Unfortunately her enthusiasm was not enough to make up for the complete lack of co-ordination, or discretion in picking out suitable items to hurl, aggressively, at her parents.  An official warning was not enough to stop the carnage as toys were scattered left, right, but rarely centre.  A yellow card did nothing to quench her lively spirits as, like a miniature Vinnie Jones, she went all out for the red.  Which was, in the end, what she got.  An ejection from the game and an explanation as to how it is not appropriate behaviour to try to break all of the glass in the room. 

But, of course, I only have myself to blame.  She saw what was going on and wanted to join in.  I can only hope that as we grow up together my example will get better, and perhaps she will grow up to be a well-rounded, calm individual, who does not get tremendously excited at the sight of a cuddly toy and an empty room.  Though looking at her parents I don’t hold out much hope. 

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