That’s it, just come a little closer, I’m going to tell you something tonight, a chilling tale of a man’s complete inadequacy. It will be a story to curdle your blood and have you sitting up at night wondering about how such a man has managed to survive for thirty something years.
I need you to imagine yourself in a hospital labour ward. Your wife has just suffered through a very painful, though quite speedy labour, and you have a newborn daughter in your arms. You got it together enough to tell the midwife the name that you and your wife had literally just decided upon. I mean it. We had a number of names that we were pondering, I had vetoed some of my wife’s more outrageous suggestions (I don’t care how much you like 70’s soul and funk, we were never going to call our baby Earth, Wind & Fire, no matter how well it describes it’s early days, just imagine how terribly it would go with the registrar) but we had not managed to agree on a name until she popped out.