tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37237345274325513182024-03-05T10:53:05.750+00:00Forays into FatherhoodThe tales of a novice fatherAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01483882831213627079noreply@blogger.comBlogger105125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3723734527432551318.post-1484992606083019172017-11-23T22:55:00.000+00:002017-11-23T22:55:00.171+00:00Dance the Night Away<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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You may know that my musical and performative abilities have
been rudely critiqued on this blog in the past.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>If not then please cast a glance over <a href="http://foraysintofatherhood.blogspot.co.uk/search?q=singing">this post</a>
and have a quick chuckle at my expense.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
That was my eldest daughter’s opinion, however, it turns out
she is not the only critic in my family.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>L, who was 2 in August, is following in her older sister’s
footsteps.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This evening I happened to be
dancing in the kitchen while I was getting the children’s bedtime drinks
ready.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This caused much hilarity amongst
the children, who seemed to think I was trying to be funny.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That was enough to be a little hurtful, I
will admit, but nothing compared to what came next. </div>
<a name='more'></a><br />
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L: “Why are you dancing?”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Me: “I like dancing.” </div>
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All simple and straightforward and in no way preparatory for
the crushing blow I was about to receive.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Because, after this L said, </div>
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“No you can’t” <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I don’t know if you know what it is like to be told, with
absolute clarity, that your dancing is so terrible it doesn’t even qualify as
dancing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Let me just say it was not the
highlight of my day.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was like if that
one girl that you really like says hello one day but called you by the wrong
name.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m not sure who Darren is but I’m
sure he’s delighted you know his name.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>He can probably dance as well.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Unlike me, according to my youngest daughter.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>At least I know there is no future for me as
a singer or dancer, so that’s helped to narrow my career options down. </div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01483882831213627079noreply@blogger.com0Coventry, UK52.406822 -1.519692999999961152.251857 -1.842416499999961 52.561786999999995 -1.1969694999999612tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3723734527432551318.post-79927644659484457472017-10-31T21:31:00.001+00:002017-10-31T21:31:17.189+00:00What to do if your giraffe breaks its leg<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Salutation"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Date"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text First Indent"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text First Indent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Block Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Hyperlink"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="FollowedHyperlink"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="22" QFormat="true" Name="Strong"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="20" QFormat="true" Name="Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Document Map"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Plain Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="E-mail Signature"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Top of Form"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Bottom of Form"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal (Web)"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Acronym"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Address"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Cite"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Code"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Definition"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Keyboard"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Preformatted"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Sample"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Typewriter"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Variable"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal Table"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="annotation subject"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="No List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Contemporary"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Elegant"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Professional"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Subtle 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Subtle 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Balloon Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="Table Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Theme"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Placeholder Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" QFormat="true" Name="No Spacing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Revision"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="34" QFormat="true"
Name="List Paragraph"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="29" QFormat="true" Name="Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="30" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="21" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="37" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Bibliography"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="TOC Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="41" Name="Plain Table 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="42" Name="Plain Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="43" Name="Plain Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="44" Name="Plain Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="45" Name="Plain Table 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="40" Name="Grid Table Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="Grid Table 1 Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="List Table 1 Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="List Table 6 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="List Table 7 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 5"/>
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’m not sure how it happened really.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m pretty sure I was only tangentially
involved, if at all, but it seems like all of my children are growing up.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>One day you are standing there with one
newborn baby in your arms, thinking that surely things can’t be any
better.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Then the next you look around to
find that there are 3 of them, and the grown-ups are outnumbered.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The biggest change though, and the one that I
thought about when we were having dinner earlier is that suddenly, almost out
of the blue, there are three extra people in the house.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
</div>
<a name='more'></a><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
When they are small children aren’t really people.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Just people-shaped blobs with people-like
needs.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But imperceptibly they start to
grow personalities, and then you’re surrounded by people.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>People that have their own thoughts and ideas
and who are concerned about things that would never have occurred to you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Happily, for quite a while, these extra
people are a very rich source of comedy, which almost makes it worth the fact
that they are also a rich source of never sleeping, ever.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
For instance, to illustrate the comedy thing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There were vigorous and strongly held
opinions being expressed about what would happen if we chanced to have a pet
giraffe.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m not sure exactly how it
started, but suddenly entire scenarios were being conjured about how this
giraffe was going to be fed, where it was going to sleep and whose it was going
to be.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This led to one of the more confusing
parts of the conversation.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>N was
describing how it was going to be hers and it would sleep standing outside her
bedroom, so that if it needed anything in the night then it could just tap on
her bedroom window and she could help it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>S was clearly a bit confused by this and wanted to know exactly what it
might need.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>N, of course, had all the
answers.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Well, if it broke its leg then it would need me to look
after it and take it to the hospital.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Reasonable enough I hear you thinking, although there was no
real exploration of how it would break its leg.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>But then B had to interject with some grown-up common sense and try to
explain how we might not be able to get a giraffe to the hospital as there wouldn’t
be space in the car.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>To which N
immediately shot back;</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“We’d put it on the top of the car of course.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It was then that it struck me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We were surrounded by actual people, with
real ideas about how the world should work and who, in a pinch, would try to
work out a way to get our pet giraffe to the hospital.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Let’s hope it never gets that serious, and if
Gerry gets ill then we can just walk him down to the walk-in-centre. I'm sure they'd know what to do with a giraffe<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">, right?</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEihbyfvEtpst6skcU732JgWICj5ah4Jthao5e5UT4Qvw4d9W9PjAJZmrCK_fdj5Lavb0ZfVRSkJY0uWEggohCqQV_Oc0v7ZotvcaM8bwkGUg8sZuaX5HTTs8X0jKdDAx_2kll8I1dkzE08/s1600/IMG_20170626_094237.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEihbyfvEtpst6skcU732JgWICj5ah4Jthao5e5UT4Qvw4d9W9PjAJZmrCK_fdj5Lavb0ZfVRSkJY0uWEggohCqQV_Oc0v7ZotvcaM8bwkGUg8sZuaX5HTTs8X0jKdDAx_2kll8I1dkzE08/s320/IMG_20170626_094237.jpg" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Practicing for a giraffe</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01483882831213627079noreply@blogger.com0Coventry, UK52.406822 -1.519692999999961152.251857 -1.842416499999961 52.561786999999995 -1.1969694999999612tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3723734527432551318.post-62256516530477818782017-10-30T21:42:00.001+00:002017-10-30T21:42:22.739+00:00A Momentous Proclamation<p dir="ltr"><u>Sometimes</u> a pronouncement is made that is so dramatic you never forget where you are when you heard it.  It is an utterance of such earth-shattering import that the only option available to you when you hear it is to feel your knees buckle in slow motion as you sink to the floor.  At such times people tend to adopt a certain tone of voice.  A hushed whisper full of feeling and pathos, quivering with intent.  You know the sort of voice, the one that says David Dimbleby is about to say something to which you are going to want to listen.  Let me tell you something though, it is not the sort of voice that you want to be faced with when you get home one day.  Things said in this voice are rarely nice, life-affirming things are they?</p>
<p dir="ltr">So there I was, walking in after another successful day as the greatest wildlife photographer <u>ever</u>, (well, I can dream can’t I?) when I was accosted by N, who, in her best David Dimbleby voice, told me,</p>
<p dir="ltr">“I didn’t have any flapjack because I had a breakdown.”</p>
<p dir="ltr">It wasn’t so much the words which shook me, although they were perhaps not the best chosen words she could have used, it was the tone they were said in.  A 6 year old girl should not have had the life experiences necessary to be able to sound quite so dramatic.  Like the whole world was imploding and she was then only one who could see it.  Either she is a superb actor, able to imbue her whole being with the character of a person who has lost everything, or she just really really likes flapjack.  Honestly I’m hoping it's the second option.  I can barely keep up as it is, I don’t need her being the next Robert de Niro as well, I won’t know if I’m coming or going.</p>
<p dir="ltr">We finally got the whole flapjack thing sorted out, and I am yet to be met by the voice of doom since, but I know it's there, just waiting to come out, perhaps next time it will come out at a more appropriate moment, like if she could only have two scoops on her ice-cream or if she had been given her spoon the wrong way round.  Just hope I’m not here to hear it when it does.</p>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01483882831213627079noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3723734527432551318.post-17438509731296689702016-12-07T22:07:00.000+00:002016-12-08T19:26:32.259+00:00My Son's Very Bad, Quite Painful, Unsleepy Night<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I was home late from work today. This really doesn’t have anything to do with
the story that I am going to tell but it’s always nice to have all the facts
isn’t it? Anyway, I was late home from
work today, which meant that B got two of the children ready for bed by
herself. Which, actually, is probably
only the 18<sup>th</sup> most amazing thing that she has done today. But before this turns into a paean to my
incredible wife (can you tell she reads all these before I publish them?) let
me get back to the story. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<a name='more'></a><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
Putting the children to bed requires military precision,
complete organisation, an iron will and the energy of 1,000 very energetic
men. Talk about the Duracell bunny, we
need a fleet of them just for one child.
I have a Fitbit which says I average 11,000 steps a day. I am almost 100% sure that 9,000 of those are
chasing after various children while they are running around refusing to have
their pyjamas put on. Most nights,
usually around 7 o’clock, our house looks like the worst sort of Benny Hill
sketch. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But tonight was different.
By the time I was home B had managed to get S & L into their pyjamas
and I had the very happy job of just reading S his story, singing him his songs
and getting him tucked into bed. There was
something funny though. With the normal
bedtime at least the children have worn themselves out a little before they go
to bed. Running a marathon around their
bedroom will do that. But tonight,
without my bumbling to inconvenience her, B had been a bit too organised, and S
hadn’t had a chance to get properly tired.
Which may explain some of what happened next.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Firstly, having got S all snuggled down I put on the little
light that is in his room. At which
point he made a small whimpering noise and said,<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“But I wanted to read my book”, to which I replied, quite
reasonably I think,<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“You can still see it with the light on.” This elicited a rather surprising response,<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“But I want to be able to read the words.” This might seem like another understandable
answer, but let me just fill you in on a bit of inside information that will
help to colour your view of the incident.
S is only 3 and absolutely cannot read.
But he was adamant that being able to see the words was key to his
reading experience and it took quite a bit of cajoling to get him to accept
that I wasn’t going to be putting the big light on. This was not to be the last time we heard
from S tonight though.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
For some reason, probably having to do with total
exhaustion, B and I were sat together on the top step of the stairs when we
heard an incredible thud coming from S’s room.
A number of scenarios leapt through my head, mostly having to do with
wrecking balls, or even the possibility that the flashing reindeer on the wall
of next door’s house had gained sentience and decided to try to break in
through the wall. Unlikely, I know, but
I can’t help what flashes through my brain.
B, instead of imagining the sudden coming to life of LED reindeer, leapt
up and rushed in to see what had happened.
From what I have been able to piece together there was no <span class="xbe">involvement from any <i>rangifer tarandus</i>
at all, instead it was S, who had sat up in bed, presumably to be able to read
the words better, and had thrown his head back into the wall. The little chap was very brave about the
whole thing and B was able to console him quite quickly and soon enough he was
back snuggled in bed again. Sadly, as
with any good story there are three acts, and we were just moving into the
third.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjtcQd-iYwbYINKgzRXOlvEWpCJSvYdYAzMZzG2toztM4LGweV3ZVohcI0M25aV_JZ4QXdSn4QiIxuYLQIgclDLWZWoGNNYv5Kx31MFNjCzGRimahyOkPzDdzB-Lol91IQd8CnVQ93eFgg/s1600/Reindeer+Picture.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjtcQd-iYwbYINKgzRXOlvEWpCJSvYdYAzMZzG2toztM4LGweV3ZVohcI0M25aV_JZ4QXdSn4QiIxuYLQIgclDLWZWoGNNYv5Kx31MFNjCzGRimahyOkPzDdzB-Lol91IQd8CnVQ93eFgg/s1600/Reindeer+Picture.jpeg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Happily not currently resident in my son's bedroom</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="xbe"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="xbe"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="xbe">B and I had managed to get downstairs when
we heard S’s door creak open and his footsteps pad along the landing. After a moment’s quiet, B started talking,
rather loudly, about how it would be a shame if S had got up and wasn’t in bed
anymore. Being the smart attentive chap
that I am it only took me about 6 sentences before I realised B was saying this
for S’s benefit. I joined in and we both
laid on the fact that it would be much better if, when we came upstairs in a
minute, we found S in bed. We heard no
sign that he had taken the hint and so I snuck to the bottom of the stairs
where I had to stop, rush back and get B to come as well. At the top of the stairs we have a bookcase
with books that mostly relate to my masters thesis, as well as some other historical
texts. Which meant I was a little
surprised when I got to the bottom of the stairs and saw S rearranging the
books on that bookcase. He was just
nonchalantly stood shuffling books in and out, moving them around and generally
having a brilliant time. Now, rearranging
bookcases is one of my favourite things to do in the world. Give me a whole wall of disorganised books
and a lot of free time and I will happily put them all into some order or
other, that will probably only make sense to me, but they will be in an
order. You can imagine my pride, then,
when I saw S doing the same thing.
Unfortunately it was way past his bedtime and he should not have been
out of bed at all, so I had to put an end to his fun. It obviously worked to calm him down though
as I haven’t heard a peep from him for the rest of the night so far.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="xbe">I have no idea what S thought he was
doing. I have looked and looked at that
bookcase and I still can’t tell what order he thought he was imposing. One day I might have to ask him. But for now I will remain in ignorance of
much except for this one crucial fact. If
you want a peaceful night, let your children run rings around you before you
get them all packed off into bed. It doesn’t
half wear them out.</span><o:p></o:p><br />
<span class="xbe"><br /></span>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgHcr2OV5rudcvf2DPlGbqt0ISgOARR-D0saDog9zp9bXp3RYkiNMVh3IbVU0DJqOcQcSNmI1XIRVygQMG77UWU3h73Mxu-7Q20pXvoJAkDh3GWXyd_GuXTrhHnbwlcCk2LQ7OnMbdBNC4/s1600/Samuel+Bookcase.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgHcr2OV5rudcvf2DPlGbqt0ISgOARR-D0saDog9zp9bXp3RYkiNMVh3IbVU0DJqOcQcSNmI1XIRVygQMG77UWU3h73Mxu-7Q20pXvoJAkDh3GWXyd_GuXTrhHnbwlcCk2LQ7OnMbdBNC4/s320/Samuel+Bookcase.jpg" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">In case there was any doubt of the truthfulness of the blog, photographic evidence from the night after.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span class="xbe"><br /></span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01483882831213627079noreply@blogger.com2Coventry, UK52.406822 -1.519692999999961152.251857 -1.842416499999961 52.561786999999995 -1.1969694999999612tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3723734527432551318.post-73728458422495106382016-10-31T20:17:00.000+00:002016-10-31T20:17:53.108+00:00A Drive to be Forgotten<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">That’s it, just come a little closer, I’m going to tell you something tonight, a chilling tale of a man’s complete inadequacy. It will be a story to curdle your blood and have you sitting up at night wondering about how such a man has managed to survive for thirty something years. </span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I need you to imagine yourself in a hospital labour ward. Your wife has just suffered through a very painful, though quite speedy labour, and you have a newborn daughter in your arms. You got it together enough to tell the midwife the name that you and your wife had literally just decided upon. I mean it. We had a number of names that we were pondering, I had vetoed some of my wife’s more outrageous suggestions (I don’t care how much you like 70’s soul and funk, we were never going to call our baby Earth, Wind & Fire, no matter how well it describes it’s early days, just imagine how terribly it would go with the registrar) but we had not managed to agree on a name until she popped out. </span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<a name='more'></a></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Still imagining? Excellent. So you’ve cleared the first hurdle, and now you’re being asked if you want to cut the cord. Normally your immediate reaction to being asked to perform any sort of medical procedure is to look around in panic and hope that the question is being addressed to someone else. On this occasion though you’re fairly sure that you’re the only one there in a fit position to do this, and the midwife is assuring you that it really is very simple. You successfully manage to navigate this as well, without changing your new baby in anything other than a medically sanctioned way and now you’re on your way to the less immediately nerve-wracking part of the hospital. </span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">All this is really just to set the scene and to put you in the frame of mind of our poor new father. It has been a harrowing few minutes and really you are looking forward to a bit of a nap. Which, remarkably is exactly what happens. Your new baby also seems to have had the same idea and she is snoozing merrily as she is wheeled along to the ward. All three of your are popped into a little room and you immediately find the cosiest spot and join your baby in the land of Nod. Sadly, there is only one comfortable chair in the room and so your wife has been relegated to the slightly uncomfortable hard chair in the corner. </span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Your sweet slumber is coldly disturbed by your wife and the midwife. They are both saying that actually you can go home now. You are thrilled at this naturally, mainly because there’s a much more comfortable place to sleep at home than the slightly too small settee that you have been managing with here. Your baby is still sleeping and you have always liked that old adage, ‘you should sleep when your baby does’. However, getting home requires transport, in this case driving. You all get to the car and safely deposit the precious bundle into the back seat. But here comes the really shameful bit, the moment that you should probably be sitting down for. I understand that up to now you have been identifying with our hero, and his understated masculinity has been a shining example, so this will really shock you, because as the little family drive home, the eagle-eyed among you, even though it is quite dark, you might notice that the person driving doesn’t look much like our ruggedly handsome protagonist. In fact, is that...could that possibly be? Yes, I think it is. He has somehow convinced his wife to drive home. Surely, after going through labour, and giving birth just a few hours ago she deserves a rest? But no, there she is, having to navigate the mean streets of Coventry while her husband crafts a, no doubt stupendously worded, email to let his work know he won’t be there for a couple of weeks.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">And so there it is, I am the worst. I made B drive home after giving birth. Amazingly we were only out of the house for around 7 hours and we managed to leave and return to home while the other two children were fast asleep. And I have made up for it with a number of sleepless nights since then, but that night I will admit, with my head hung low that I failed in my husbandly and fatherly duties. It probably won’t be the last time, but it might be the most shameful. I’m sorry to have let everyone down, next time we’ll have a story that makes me look like a proper superhero (which I will have to make up) but I hoped you enjoyed this little look into my darker, less capable, side.</span></div>
<span id="docs-internal-guid-44aad9f4-1c61-7e39-0cd5-dec0814af1fb"></span><br />
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01483882831213627079noreply@blogger.com6Coventry, UK52.406822 -1.519692999999961152.251857 -1.842416499999961 52.561786999999995 -1.1969694999999612tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3723734527432551318.post-71162565066869181592016-10-24T21:44:00.000+01:002016-10-24T21:56:12.825+01:00Speedy Arrival<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I understand that labour is painful. I’ve never actually been through it myself, so I cannot corroborate it from personal experience, but I am an observant fellow and I have experienced it through B on three occasions so I am fairly confident when I say that it didn’t seem like she was enjoying it. Which is what makes what I am about to tell you quite so impressive, from my point of view at least.</span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Firstly though a bit of background. After all, you know me, I’m not happy until I’ve written 1000 inconsequential words before finally getting to the punchline.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<a name='more'></a></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">So, firstly a small digression about false alarms. We had one with L. It was short and sweet and mostly inconvenient for B and my parents. B, who had to go through the pain of her body pretending it was going to have a baby and then just going, “ooppss, sorry, fooled you,that was funny right? Right?” and my parents because they were the ones we called at some ludicrous time in the morning, only to have to let them know that they probably weren’t going to be getting a grandchild after all. The whole morning was like the world’s least funny practical joke. In the end I went to work, and my dad stayed with B, in case anything erupted.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">It didn’t. I spent all day on tenterhooks, waiting for the inevitable phone call, only to hear nothing. Imagine the tension, imagine my pain as I sat staring at the phone. Words can barely do justice to it. Whilst all day all B had to do was look after two children while being over 9 months pregnant. And people say it’s hard for the mothers. In the end no phone call came and I left work confidently predicting that I would be back again in the morning. Oh hubris how you mock us.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">You see, that night was indeed to be the night. We had packed dad back off home with a cheery wave once I was home and the children were in bed. Which was pretty much exactly when B’s body decided to go into full-on overdrive. One sheepish phone call to the parents later (once we were fairly sure that something really was happening, and while they were just tucking into their tea) followed by a phone call to a close friend who was closer, which was handy it will turn out and we were ready to go. This was only the beginning of the fun.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">We left the house around 8:30 and arrived at the hospital 15 minutes later. So for those of you making notes at the back about quarter to nine. Picked up our car-park ticket and sauntered in. Well, alright, not so much sauntered. By this point B was looking in serious pain and really struggling to move at all. Now, I am not the most constitutionally capable when it comes to moments like this, I think it has something to do with having a Y chromosome. So right now I was panicking about pretty much everything, but I think I managed it to hide it well, mostly by uttering inanities like, “It’s OK”, and “We’re going to be alright,” like there was anything wrong with me at all. </span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">We made it in, through B being a hero and me meekly following along trying to be useful. This was when we hit our biggest hurdle. There was no one there. No one on reception, no one to tell that my wife was about to have a baby all over their surgically clean floor. B was scrunched up on a chair uttering small moans and not so small bellows, whilst I was frantically trying to conjure people with the power of my mind. This approach not being wholly successful I then moved seamlessly on to stage 2 of my master plan. Sitting next to B and trying to remember the incantation I needed to get the bell on the door to the maternity ward to work. At this point we had been in the hospital for 15 minutes or so, which gets us to 9pm. There had been no evidence of anyone being in the hospital at all up to this point, certainly no one competent to deliver the baby that was, too all intents and purposes, making her entrance into the world. </span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">It was at this point, maybe 20 minutes in or so that I saw an opening. The door to the maternity ward opened slightly as another family came out. Seeing my opportunity I leapt through it to try to accost the first person I saw. I suspect that there is a reason why the midwives in the maternity ward would prefer not to have to deal with pretty disheveled, and by this point mostly mindless, fathers to be storming in, but they were very sympathetic and obviously thought they were humouring me in coming to see my wife, whom they doubtless thought was in the early stages of labour. It only took one look at B however before the midwife decided a more brisk demeanour was required. This was confirmed by B assuring her that in fact her waters had broken and things were quite urgent.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">We were rushed, you will understand that this is a relative term in this instance, into the ward through the staff entrance</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">,</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> and B was made as comfortable as she could be. At this point I just shut down. B was in the hands of people who actually knew what they were doing, and I, as the least useful person in the world, wasn’t going to have to quickly Google how to deliver a baby. This shutting down unfortunately didn’t extend to the part of my brain that is in control of thinking of really terrible and inopportune things to say, that, sadly, was working just fine. So at the point at which the midwife took B’s heart rate, which was, naturally, quite high, my brain decides now is the perfect moment for an awful sporting reference and I say, “You’re no Lance Armstrong are you?” To which B, whilst being in incredible pain and trying to produce a baby, replies, “But didn’t he turn out to be on drugs?” Which is, of course, totally accurate, and also somewhat ironic as B was right then trying to get as much gas and air into her as is humanly possible. My wife ladies and gentleman, I bet you’re all wishing she was the one writing the blog aren’t you? A woman who could pass the 6 laugh test even while in labour.</span></div>
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<span id="docs-internal-guid-7b2ad5a7-f86e-677d-0bb8-a2bcb1032f4d"></span><br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">In the end we had L roughly 45 minutes after we bought the car-park ticket for the hospital. B was great, our midwife was superb and I was left to carry stuff and act the part of a spare wheel. L has brought a lot of joy into our lives in the 14 months that she has been more than just a bump but I will always remember that first day of false alarms and Lance Armstrong jokes.</span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01483882831213627079noreply@blogger.com2Coventry, UK52.406822 -1.519692999999961152.251857 -1.842416499999961 52.561786999999995 -1.1969694999999612tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3723734527432551318.post-44825131662329950282016-10-19T21:52:00.001+01:002016-10-19T21:52:18.429+01:00An Ode to Many Arms<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I once wrote, “</span><span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> For one thing, once you have three children you've run out of arms, unless you're an octopus of course. Not being an octopus, and only having the normal number of arms, I am concerned about what is going to happen once we have our third and I am left an arm short.” Yes, that Wildeian wit really was me. Honestly. Look, just go </span><a href="http://foraysintofatherhood.blogspot.co.uk/2015/04/glad-to-be-back.html" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #1155cc; font-family: Arial; font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">here </span></a><span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">if you don’t believe me. </span></div>
<b id="docs-internal-guid-a6ff30a5-deb0-1eaa-5cbe-8e1467667cd4" style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">That was about 4 months before the birth of our 3rd child, and one of the very last things that I managed to write on the blog. It turns out I had seriously underestimated the number of arms that I would need. Also the amount of time I would need to do everything. Not to mention the total chaos that an extra child would bring into my life.</span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">It was not that long since we had had our second. S was born exactly 659 days before L, or 1 year, 9 months and 21 days, roughly. This is not a long gap between children, and in fact we had 3 children under the age of 5 for a couple of months. It was, unfortunately, a long enough time, it turns out, for me to have forgotten everything I ever knew about babies. And the birth of your third child, apparently, is not a great time to be struck with total amnesia when it comes to handling a very small human. Firstly, babies are not easy at the best of times. And when there are two other children who are desperate to pull and poke and prod the new fun thing it is a very long way away from the best of times. </span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Really, if you have never tried to change a nappy whilst one child is climbing on your back and the other is doing their best to hide all the wipes and the nappy you carefully left out for yourself then I don’t think you can say that you have lived. It really is an experience which everyone should </span><span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: line-through; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">enjoy </span><span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">endure at least once in their lives. Especially because the moment of existential terror you feel when you realise that you are so hopelessly overmatched gives you such a jolt of adrenaline that in other circumstances you could probably wrestle a bear, or outrun a speeding cheetah, or something.</span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Anyway. There are now three children in my life and the tales of my failures would probably fill a rather large book, so hopefully I will be able to entertain you with them in the days and weeks to come. Please keep checking back as I will be updating the blog more regularly (which I know could mean once every 12 months) than I have been recently.</span></div>
<br /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: 13.3333px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Hope to see you again, and remember, if you are planning any genetic mutations to cope with your third child, don’t stop at three arms, 12 might just do it. And don’t get me started on how many eyes you need.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: 13.3333px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj2TtUEZ5Xry_HHcTDecuoyMKs15MxSPuEx8rmdGPVOumJdtt-R24DUzFHZOvClQrsIUZpbGdmE-HSJSckdc7a83XKM0Ra31T7XBSpPqS7oDzDwG32dTEx5hiLp7XSORDb_0CjjdTCSiY4/s1600/Twelve+armed+lamp.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj2TtUEZ5Xry_HHcTDecuoyMKs15MxSPuEx8rmdGPVOumJdtt-R24DUzFHZOvClQrsIUZpbGdmE-HSJSckdc7a83XKM0Ra31T7XBSpPqS7oDzDwG32dTEx5hiLp7XSORDb_0CjjdTCSiY4/s400/Twelve+armed+lamp.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I never thought I would say this about a lamp, but I currently have serious arm envy.</td></tr>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: 13.3333px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01483882831213627079noreply@blogger.com4Coventry, UK52.406822 -1.519692999999961152.251857 -1.842416499999961 52.561786999999995 -1.1969694999999612tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3723734527432551318.post-23152195460487483112015-06-30T19:51:00.001+01:002015-06-30T19:51:34.185+01:00Garden ExcursionsIt is heatwave season. This means a number of things. Firstly <a href="http://www.express.co.uk/" target="_blank">the Daily Express</a> gets even more shrill about weather than it is the rest of the year, seriously just click on the link above and I can pretty much guarantee that one of the first two or three stories will be about the incredible heat, or the possibility that next week we will be struck by an 'icy blast' from somewhere. Secondly it means I write a blog post complaining about how hot it is. Regular readers will now that I have a particular view about hot weather, which boils down to, it seems that lots of people seem to enjoy it, I don't and I would rather that it be somewhere else, anywhere else really. However, this year will be different, this year I am not going to complain but instead I am going to regale you with a quick tale that will both entertain and instruct, well, maybe one of them, and probably the only instruction you will take from this is the obvious, if important, lesson that you should never leave your children under my supervision.<br />
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The weather being what it is N's first question whenever I get home from work at the moment is, "Daddy, can we go in the garden? Please? Please? Please? Please?". To which my answer is often, "Nunngh" because I've just walked home and I'm hot and not really in the mood for running around outside. Once I've got over that though I realise that life is more than just letting your legs have a bit of a rest and go out with her. We are almost always joined by S who will hear N asking then run around the house bellowing 'garden' before bringing me an item of entirely inappropriate footwear. I didn't even know we owned a pair of size 30 clown shoes, but S can find them and will insist that they are the only shoes to wear in the garden.<br />
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Once we have found a proper pair of shoes and N has had her moment determining which shoes she will be least unhappy with (though her collection is not quite as extensive as Imelda Marcos' she probably agonizes over it for longer) we are ready to go out. Playing in the garden generally involves me pushing them around on one of the wheeled toys we have, fast on the grass and slow on the path, better safe than sorry. S prefers the scooter, I think because there is a much higher chance of him falling off that and he is nothing if not a little daredevil. N is much happier either on her bike, which she is just starting to pick up some balance on or S's tricycle which I am also a fan of as it has the longest handle which means I have to do less back-breaking than with the others. Once this thrill has worn off we move on to football, which is little more than me kicking the ball around while N and S do all they can to make me fall over. And believe me, you haven't been tackled until you have one small child hanging off your left leg while the other has grabbed you round the waist and is throwing themselves around like this is their mission impossible and they will stop at nothing to bring you down.<br />
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Once this has ended, with me on my back and N and S at on me giggling at another triumph, we break up for a bit. I go on a wander of the garden and try to imagine the weeds away. This doesn't usually work, alright, it never works, but one of these days I'm sure it will, and so I end up on my knees pulling at weeds whilst the kids play with various garden things until it is time for tea. Up until the last part of the garden adventure it has been fairly easy to keep an eye on both of them, and I'm sure for any semi-competent parent even the last part would prove no challenge at all, at least to ensure that both children were safely in the garden. This is not the case for me unfortunately. I can usually tell you exactly where N is at any given moment just because she is the loudest child I know and no amount of ninja training will ever get her to the point where she could sneak up on me. She must have the heaviest feet in the world. <br />
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S, on the other hand, well he is a different story. S was born with the ability to melt seamlessly into the background and walk unseen amongst us ordinary mortals. He can slip through a crowd unnoticed and will suddenly appear at my side with something he knows he shouldn't have when I hadn't even known he had gone. I am, however, aware of his stealth-like capabilities and have learnt that he needs a close eye on him at all times. Turns out I have again underestimated one of my children. I am sure that he stayed in the garden this afternoon, playing with N's scooter and her tricycle, and trying to pick all the unripe strawberries. I know he was there because I kept having to stop him from stuffing probably poisonous fruit into his mouth (I don't know if unripe strawberries are actually poisonous, but I don't know they aren't either and why take the risk?) So imagine my despair this evening when I got back from my run, once the children were in bed, and B casually dropped into conversation that whilst I was keeping my 'close eye' on the boy she had found him upstairs, wellies firmly on, with a rubber in his mouth. I am a little ashamed to say my first thought might have been, 'at least it wasn't an unripe strawberry' but that was quickly followed by, 'how did he manage to scale the wall, pry open the bathroom window and slip in upstairs, all with his wellies on and I didn't notice?' I have to admit I was pretty impressed, until B pointed out he probably just came in through the open patio door and wandered up the stairs. I have to admit that is more likely.<br />
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That is, at least, only one blot on an otherwise perfect garden excursion, a fairly major one, granted, but one that ended well at least. Now I'm going to go back and grumble about the heat, enjoy your summers everyone.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01483882831213627079noreply@blogger.com0Coventry, West Midlands, UK52.406822 -1.519692999999961152.251857 -1.842416499999961 52.561786999999995 -1.1969694999999612tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3723734527432551318.post-1296819326319786152015-06-17T22:21:00.000+01:002015-06-17T22:21:22.341+01:00Gratitude<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="heading 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="heading 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="heading 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="toc 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="toc 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="35" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="10" QFormat="true" Name="Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="11" QFormat="true" Name="Subtitle"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="22" QFormat="true" Name="Strong"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="20" QFormat="true" Name="Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="Table Grid"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 1"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Revision"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="34" QFormat="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="29" QFormat="true" Name="Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="30" QFormat="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 1"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 2"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 3"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 3"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 4"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 4"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 4"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 5"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 5"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 5"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" QFormat="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="21" QFormat="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="37" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Bibliography"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="TOC Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="41" Name="Plain Table 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="42" Name="Plain Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="43" Name="Plain Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="44" Name="Plain Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="45" Name="Plain Table 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="40" Name="Grid Table Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="Grid Table 1 Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4"/>
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
Tomorrow I will have been married
for ten years.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Other than an opportunity
to use a nice juicy future perfect, this also gives me the chance to remind everyone
that I have the best wife anyone could hope for.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
This has not been an easy
pregnancy for her.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She has suffered with
a number of illnesses during the pregnancy, none dangerous to either her or the
baby, but enough to make life much more difficult for her.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She has had to deal with two children, one of
whom has enough energy to power most of urban Britain and is not afraid to use
it all by attempting to destroy most of the furniture, whilst the other one somehow
manages to make her sibling seem like the calm and lethargic one.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She has continued her usual hectic pace of
work and activities, which make me tired just thinking about them, so I probably
won’t anymore.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She has continued to
support me in everything I do, and to encourage me to be the best I can be,
which is a real necessity when you are dealing with someone as lazy as I am. </div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
Difficulties, which seem entirely
insurmountable to me, melt before her, which can get a little galling when I
have stared at a problem for what could have been all day and B will sidle up
(considering how big she has got she can still exhibit some pro stealth skills)
and suggest a simple, elegant, entirely practical, #whydidn’tIspotthat? sort of
a solution that had been staring me in the face (a lot of staring going on
there).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That happens more in our house
than you might expect and I would like to admit.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
She seems to have a reserve of
energy which manages to carry her through long days chasing after two Tasmanian
Devils.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I can barely manage twenty minutes
after work with them, and it would be a lie if I tried to pretend that my job
required any physical effort.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I should
be at my peak but after an entire day those two can still run me off my feet
before tea whereas B has managed with them for 11 solid hours.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
Ostensibly this is a blog about
how I can’t quite keep up with my children, but none of it would be possible
without B being there to clean up after the messes I make.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She has bailed me out on many occasions and I
don’t know what I would do without her.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
suppose I just want to take this time to show my immense gratitude for the way
that she makes my life such a fun-filled and laughter-packed one.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Here’s to ten more years, one day we’ll laugh
about this. </div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01483882831213627079noreply@blogger.com0Coventry, UK52.406822 -1.519692999999961152.251857 -1.842416499999961 52.561786999999995 -1.1969694999999612tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3723734527432551318.post-31586233607688056882015-06-15T21:17:00.001+01:002015-06-15T21:17:16.559+01:00Slip Sliding Away<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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We’ve been away recently.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>A week with around 350 other <a href="http://www.thechristadelphians.org.uk/beliefs.htm" target="_blank">Christadelphians </a>at a place in
Derbyshire.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is my favourite week of
the year and brilliant for the children.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>You really know you’ve had a great week when N is bawling her eyes out
almost all the way home because she “doesn’t want to go hhhhhome.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A sure sign of a week filled with fun and
friends.</div>
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<br /></div>
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One of the very best features of where we go is that it is
relatively enclosed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We can let N and S
have a far greater level of freedom than we would at home because there is so
much less that could go wrong.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>N is old
enough to remember what it was like before and so is not really surprised by
this any more.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>S, however.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Well, let’s just relive about twenty minutes
of his life from last week shall we?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh0rWyAjcQqLU7057tnxkLaSzmb7G0M0XKHlW9QMYJJqXJx_2OhTDFEEvyki_Ug2XU-cGvxnPY6jTXjYf_7zIJfcsJPh20KlV6fpUkEjiv-z1MjvrA_ngRpHSp9Y3m3MFQ5a8ShY0ZNH1A/s1600/HayesCC.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh0rWyAjcQqLU7057tnxkLaSzmb7G0M0XKHlW9QMYJJqXJx_2OhTDFEEvyki_Ug2XU-cGvxnPY6jTXjYf_7zIJfcsJPh20KlV6fpUkEjiv-z1MjvrA_ngRpHSp9Y3m3MFQ5a8ShY0ZNH1A/s1600/HayesCC.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.cct.org.uk/the-hayes/introduction?gclid=Cj0KEQjw7_mrBRDH4Y2UjLHEmfcBEiQA8OTHf5sod1gyWbsrghPKjeXAspAOcmKChVKA18X78SCIapsaAu2Z8P8HAQ" target="_blank">The Hayes Conference Centre, Swanwick</a>. That slope on the left is going to feature very prominently in the story you are about to read.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Scene:</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The gardens of a large, old house, there is a large lawn
area leading down to a clump of trees and bushes, the grassed area starts with
a drop from a path which is roughly the height of a two year old boy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Here is an artist’s impression of what was
running through S’s head at being presented with this. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Oh wow.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Can I really run down that?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Without anyone holding my hand?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am so going to run down that slope.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Is daddy watching me?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Does he know what I’m about to do?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Better just have a quick glance at him to
make sure he knows I’m here.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Is he
chatting?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Does he know I’m about to
throw myself headlong down a really steep slope.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don’t think he knows.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Perhaps I should let him know.</i></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Daddy!”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">I think that did
it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Right, now about that slo … Hang on,
he’s turned round again, he’s not even watching.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Does he think I’m joking.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Better go and get him.</i></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Daddy,” </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Grabbed his hand,
good, he’ll have to come now.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>OK, you
just stay right there while I get ready for this.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This is it now, this is your Everest S.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s a good job daddy is here to witness
this.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Hey!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Where do you think you are going?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Have you seen this slope?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s massive, and possibly unconquered, I
don’t see any other toddlers about to take on this beast.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Better get him back again.</i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Daddy!”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Right, he’s back and
in position.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I can’t say this was the preparation
I was hoping for the defining moment of my life but it will have to do.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sometimes a man just has to close his eyes
and leap.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This is it S, ready for your
moment in history?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
WWWWWHHHHHHHEEEEEEE!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Well, that was
fun.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Hang on, how do I get back up?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It looks a lot more forbidding from this
side.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don’t think I can make it
back.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I know, perhaps if I run off daddy
will come and get me and we can go back up the slope together.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Quick glance back to see if he is still
watching?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Yes, yes he is.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Super.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I wonder if he will understand what to do if I just gently jog away?</i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Nope, the oaf is still
stood there watching me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Does he think
this is some game?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What is he playing
at?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Now he’s chatting again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Who is that?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Will have to make a note of them to show my disdain later.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">“Daddy!”</b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">That got his
attention, now to get running again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Is
he coming?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>No, again he’s just stood
there.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Well, that’s a road just there
I’ll just have to start running towards that, that’ll get him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Yes, here he comes now.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And now he’s got me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And now he’s just running around with
me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>No, we were supposed to be going
back up there, what are you doing?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Grown-ups are so dumb, perhaps if I squeal a little he’ll get the
idea.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That’s it, that way, that wasn’t
difficult was it?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There we go, back up
the slope, you know you want to.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Thank
you, finally.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Now put me down, I don’t
want to be up here forever you know.</i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Super, so, what should
I do now?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Wow, I think this bit of the
slope is a bit different, I should try this now.</i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
WWWWHHHEEEE!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">I was right, it was
different, I should try that again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Ah,
same problem, much too high to clamber up.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I wonder if the same solution will work?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Ha! Here he comes again, what a dope, useful though.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Right, put me down again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Thank-you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Ooohhh, this is different again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I reckon I can still do it though, only one way to find out I guess.</i></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
End Scene</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
If it hadn’t been for lunch intervening I’m sure we would
have still be running through that now.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>His joy every time he slipped down the slope was properly infectious and
I couldn’t help laughing along with him, which I imagine just egged him on, he
is nothing if not a performer.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Happily
lunch did intervene and I am not trapped in my own mini <a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0107048/" target="_blank">groundhog day</a>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For a while though S was king of the
mountains, living life to the full and leading me on a merry little dance, and
for a while it was fun just to share a little kid’s wonder at the world and
celebrate his triumphs with him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01483882831213627079noreply@blogger.com0Coventry, UK52.406822 -1.519692999999961152.251857 -1.842416499999961 52.561786999999995 -1.1969694999999612tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3723734527432551318.post-78708887851091992792015-05-09T20:42:00.000+01:002015-05-09T20:43:48.614+01:00A Sense of ImaginationYou may remember, and if not the evidence is right <a href="http://foraysintofatherhood.blogspot.co.uk/2015/04/glad-to-be-back.html" target="_blank">here</a> for you, that I recently mentioned needing to find some way of growing an extra limb in order to cope with the whirlwind that is having a third child. By the way, all the people who have said that having a third is , like, really really hard compared to just having two, I'd like to introduce you to my doctor who has a bill for you for all the anxiety medication I am having to take at the moment. Sorry about that, back to the point, I mentioned that I would need another arm to keep them all under control. Well, it turns out that I have the perfect Marvellian (real word? I'm not sure but I'm going with it) mad scientist to perfect my third arm.<br />
<br />
<a name='more'></a><br />
You see, I have a four year old daughter, and I don't know why no comic book writer has picked up on this, but four year olds have the best imaginations, the weirdest grasp on reality ever, and the inability to ever stop talking. This leads to some really strange sentences coming out of their speech holes. <br />
<br />
We were just sitting eating tea, I thinking I was helping S to consume more grapes than are safe for one small human, when N decided, apropos of absolutely nothing at all (I assume there had been some conversation with her mother at some point during the day regarding this, but it hadn't happened in the hour and a half that I had been home) to list the senses. In what is a particularly impressive feat she managed to name 5 of them. In what was slightly less impressive they weren't all quite right. This is the list that she just launched into mid me stuffing S's mouth with small green objects:<br />
<br />
Smell<br />
Seeing<br />
Hearing<br />
Touch<br />
Growing Hair<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgGgzrqLV_tcO8zfuhzVUCWZdojDWz3EIeFSZmpmL5_5nb8riJA48svYKx17Foc-gWmuWi2ywY8ezRJZ3HBHnvhMU-DQL2SlKQb7Nz_CUVZ0xYlSlvykmz-18GW8eG2PzNWZgwd12uGvKY/s1600/Medusa_by_Carvaggio.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgGgzrqLV_tcO8zfuhzVUCWZdojDWz3EIeFSZmpmL5_5nb8riJA48svYKx17Foc-gWmuWi2ywY8ezRJZ3HBHnvhMU-DQL2SlKQb7Nz_CUVZ0xYlSlvykmz-18GW8eG2PzNWZgwd12uGvKY/s320/Medusa_by_Carvaggio.jpg" width="313" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Perhaps she had Medusa in mind?</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
You will note the very close correlation with the list you would find in any good school textbook. 4 out of 5 isn't bad at all. The final one however leaves me in some doubt that N has grasped the basic principles of exactly what the senses are. I do wonder though. Perhaps she just knows something I don't? Perhaps she's ahead of her time? And soon we are going to be hearing about scientists who have developed a way of getting people to see through the ends of their hair. Better that than that they've found a way to get people to taste through the follicles on their head, though that might explain why S seems to keep a supply of the stickiest, slimiest foodstuffs as a carpet for his bonce. Anyway, remember you heard it here first.Now I'm just off to find out if she's perfected my third arm yet?Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01483882831213627079noreply@blogger.com2Coventry, UK52.406822 -1.519692999999961152.251857 -1.842416499999961 52.561786999999995 -1.1969694999999612tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3723734527432551318.post-33553983780130408032015-04-23T18:59:00.000+01:002015-04-23T18:59:46.764+01:00Pogo Like a Boss<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">B is 24 weeks pregnant this week. This means a number of things. Firstly, and probably most importantly, there are only 16 weeks left, which is a Good Thing. Secondly, it means that B is now coming out of her energetic period, and is now starting to struggle in the evenings. Thirdly, it means I was a little surprised when she appeared with a pogo stick on Friday evening. </span></div>
<b id="docs-internal-guid-d66c237e-e766-c445-2843-dfa13028411e" style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I’m no pregnancy expert. I have experienced two and a half of them from the less involved side, but I am not initiated in all their mysteries. I am however pretty certain that I could scour any number of leaflets, articles and seven volume book series on pregnancy and in none of them would I find anything which would hint to the possibility that pogoing was a good idea. In fact it is probable that in one of the more comprehensive lists of dos and don’ts, one of the don’ts, I imagine quite low down the list, would be “Don’t pogo.” </span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"></b><br />
<a name='more'></a><b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b><br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Of course, we also have two other people in the house, what of them? you ask. I don’t think S could have reached the handles, so I was safe there, and whilst N could reach the handles I think the only thing she would do with the stick itself would be to violently swing it round and round, not so much pogoing as endangering the structural integrity of the house, and probably the space-time continuum as well.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">In the spirit of this I decided to step in before anyone could do any damage to either themselves, or any part of the universe and I took possession of the death-stick. My mission was to simply put it somewhere out of reach, where no-one would be tempted to experiment, I could see that N had already fallen under its spell and I had to make sure that didn’t happen to anyone else.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">But then a funny thing happened. I suddenly started to get visions of soaring through the sky. I could see myself gracefully bounding around the garden, the wind whistling through my hair, just me and the stick pogoing like a boss. <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CUqqIS9Ymkk" target="_blank">Just like this guy</a>. No, seriously, if you haven't just clicked on that link, please do so. I can wait. Even if it ends up being 3am and you are still watching Youtube videos of people doing stunts on pogo sticks, it is worth it, I could have had this blog up days ago if I hadn't got stuck in a pogo stick video timewarp. At one point I grew a beard 6 inches long whilst watching a man do backflips. So please, you owe it to yourself to take the time to have a look, even if only so you can better imagine me as I embark on my own pogo adventure.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> As it happened I was already in the garden taking the pogo stick out to the shed where it couldn’t hurt anyone. What better time? I thought to myself. I'll just start off with something basic. A few hops, maybe try to spin a little. I could work on the big stuff later. I began to imagine to garden as a sort of pogo obstacle course, but no, it was too early for that. I mounted my stick and began to bounce. Except that is not at all what I did. Unfortunately I had misjudged the exact point of departure and I was actually on the lawn when I began pogoing. This, it turned out, was a pretty rookie mistake. As it happened the lawn has a certain amount of give in it. Enough give in fact that instead of launching me across the garden like a salmon leaping up a waterfall I merely succeeded in hammering myself into the garden. I think, if you'd tied a string around my forehead and put a tennis ball on it I would have looked uncannily like a swingball set. </span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The worst part about the whole thing was probably the fact that it took me a while to work out what was going on and so I just jumped up and down until it sunk in that I was sinking in. I sheepishly removed myself from the pogo stick, removed the pogo stick from the garden and snuck it into the shed, where I left it. In my embarrassment I will admit that I didn't mention any of this to B, presuming that the whole thing could be hushed up, I think the fact that it is an election year has rubbed off on me. </span></div>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Sadly, it was not to be. As with all the best political scandals I had overlooked a small but significant piece of evidence, namely the neat round hole I had left in the lawn. It didn't take long before both B and N had spotted it. Somehow, in their Sherlockian way, they came to the conclusion that I may have been responsible for it and I was quickly accused of some heinous crime. I was able to put their minds at rest that I had not been up to anything nefarious, but my vague assertions of innocence were not enough to stop the incessant questions and I soon buckled under the pressure of their piercing gaze. My confession brought with it gales of laughter and the prospect of many weeks mocking for my latest mishap. I can't say I'm too concerned though, I'm just off to watch some guy who can pogo over a car and then do a backflip.</span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01483882831213627079noreply@blogger.com8Coventry, UK52.406822 -1.519692999999961152.251857 -1.842416499999961 52.561786999999995 -1.1969694999999612tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3723734527432551318.post-6684961783368714572015-04-20T20:22:00.002+01:002015-04-20T20:22:54.841+01:00Up All NightHow do you keep from raising your voice all the time? Do you try? Can you? How many questions can I ask in the first thirty words of this post?<br />
<br />
N is 4 1\2 going on 15. She seems to have reached peak annoying for me at the moment. I find myself trying to find excuses for her to have to go to bed early. This is not usually that difficult as part of her problem at the moment is that she is exhausted pretty much all the time. <br />
<br />
<a name='more'></a><br />
<br />
As has been chronicled on this blog previously my daughter has an adversarial relationship with sleep, much like our political system. She is convinced that her life will go to the dogs completely if control of her nights are given over to the other party. It has entirely wrong policies regarding the use of time. I'm sure I once heard her muttering something about 'big government' the other night as I walked past her bedroom, and there was the occasion when she woke the house by bellowing 'it should be called tax relief.'*<br />
<br />
Personally, I have always been in favour of competition for children, it does, after all, teach them some rather crucial lessons about life and the way that it generally goes, I for one am glad that I learnt about losing from an early age (I still wake up at night having nightmares about a particularly brutal loss suffered by our school football team against <a href="http://www.framinghamearl.norfolk.sch.uk/" target="_blank">Framingham Earl High School,</a> and that was almost 20 years ago now), so this doesn't concern me too much, except for the fact that at the moment the party she is leader of seems to be in the ascendancy and is standing on a platform which consists solely of the slogan 'No Sleep for Little Girls'. Catchy, but hardly music to any parent's ears.<br />
<br />
What this ends up meaning is that her natural tendencies for mischief and mayhem are somewhat heightened by the fact that she is severely sleep deprived and unable to control any of her actions. Although, I wouldn't want you to get the impression that she would be a perfect little human if she got her full allocation of 12 hours. I'm not going to run down the full list of things that she has got up to in the last few days which have had me pulling my hair out (cheaper than getting it cut I suppose) but a couple of examples will probably suffice.<br />
<br />
I recently put up a black-out blind in N's bedroom. This was in an attempt to stop her waking up at the first hint that the sky might be getting lighter. Unfortunately my elite DIY skills seemed to desert me at the crucial moment and putting it up was not the simple job I envisaged. Somewhere in the putting-up process I appear to engineer it so that whilst the blind would stay in one position like a pro, when it came to moving up or down it seemed to be quite reluctant. OK, the blind sticks like a master poker player, and once it is stuck it takes the strength of 10 men to get it moving again. In my attempts to get it moving I managed to pull the whole thing off the wall, and onto my head, twice. Which had the effect of getting me to screw it in tighter (turns out if you use those little rawplug thingies everything is much better) but also to make me particularly wary of it happening again. This led to a long discussion with N about how she couldn't fiddle with the blind as there was the distinct possibility that it could fall off and hurt her. She seemed to understand this, and very solemnly agreed not to touch the blind. This should have been easy for her since she is also not allowed up onto her window-sill at all and the blind doesn't come down below the window-sill. In the end she managed to resist the temptation for almost 24 hours, although I don't know if the sleeping time really counts. 24 hours is not a long time to resist temptation. I suppose at least she didn't do it right then in front of me, that would have been worse.<br />
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One of the only things that we don't let her do in the garden is to turn on the outside tap. Being on a water meter tends to make you a bit nervous about your water consumption being in the hands of a slightly wild 4 year old. This is generally well adhered to, until this afternoon. This afternoon N was playing out in the garden with S and a friend of hers. Sadly there was not a reliable eyewitness to what happened next but it definitely involved a lot of water and three soaked children. Another cardinal rule broken while no-one was looking. <br />
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There is always a lot of contrition that accompanies these acts, but never any real indication that they won't happen again. Neither of these little sins are particularly terrible, but the constant low-level misbehaviour is certainly an incredibly wearing aspect of being a parent. I keep telling myself that it will just be a passing phase, she's bound to grow out of it soon, but the words sound hollow even to me, I'm just going to have to face it, she is going to be one of life's rule-benders. At least things will never be dull, now 'scuse me please while I go and see if that crash was the blind falling down, or N having found her way up to the loft. This time I might manage not to raise my voice.<br />
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*This may never have happenedAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01483882831213627079noreply@blogger.com2Coventry, UK52.406822 -1.519692999999961152.251857 -1.842416499999961 52.561786999999995 -1.1969694999999612tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3723734527432551318.post-87223194993255646402015-04-14T19:20:00.000+01:002015-04-14T19:20:15.209+01:00Sleeping Like a BabyPeace is found in many different things by many different people. For some, peace is found in the dancing flicker of an open flame, or the consuming violence of a roaring fire. For some it is the gentle patter of rain on a window, for others it is the impotent fury of lashing high winds as they settle in for the night. For some it is the rustle of leaves in a forest glade, as birds tweet and trees sway in a dance which has lasted for thousands of years, for others it is found in the face of a tiger as it paces, or a lion as it rests. However, this is turning into a bit of a John Denver song so perhaps we should move on.<br />
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For me peace is much simpler than any of that, and much closer to home. For me peace is the sound of a sleeping child, the rustling covers (because neither of my children it seems can stay still for a single second, even when they're asleep) grinding of the teeth (which is a sound that can send B running from a room, but which I don't mind, and is an almost certain sign that they are asleep) and the sound of heavy breathing (which is, especially with S, often accompanied by some room shaking snores).<br />
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I could stand outside my children's bedrooms for hours and just listen to them make the noises that mean they are asleep, if I weren't so busy trying to take advantage of the fact that they are asleep at all by charging around with B trying to get everything done and then collapsing in bed. One of these days I will have caught up on enough sleep that I will be able to enjoy the peace of a sleeping child. Won't I? One of these days right?Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01483882831213627079noreply@blogger.com3Coventry, UK52.406822 -1.519692999999961152.251857 -1.842416499999961 52.561786999999995 -1.1969694999999612tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3723734527432551318.post-5748701994108316112015-04-10T22:06:00.000+01:002015-04-10T22:06:16.505+01:00Going Down with a FightBeep beep. No, it's not the noise that Road Runner makes, it is something much worse, for me at least.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"Beep Beep"</td></tr>
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<a name='more'></a>I would like you to picture a scene with me. Imagine yourself putting a small boy to bed. It is something you have done on numerous occasions in the past, in fact it has sort of become your job while your wife puts the girl to bed. You are pretty confident that you aren't going to encounter anything that you can't handle. But as it has been said, <span style="background-color: white;"><a href="http://classics.mit.edu/Sophocles/antigone.html" target="_blank">"Great words of prideful men are ever punished with great blows, and, in old age, teach the chastened to be wise"</a></span> or, to put it slightly differently, never work with children or animals, or you will end up looking very foolish.<br />
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You're going to need to prepare yourself now because things are going to go downhill quickly. You need to imagine yourself holding your son, and singing to him, as you always do. You are then preparing to put him down when you make your critical mistake. You forget that your little son has hands, and arms which he is very adept at wielding. You also forget that he has recently developed a new favourite game, one which is not designed to increase your dignity. You see your son has come upon a liking for the sound 'beep,' and the way that he likes to extract this noise is by mashing his hand into my nose. I will admit that it may have been partly my fault, having made the noise myself when he first found my nose, and following this, the game has grown.<br />
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So, having forgotten about the hands imagine your shock when you find them, in the gloom of a curtained bedroom, groping towards your nose. You choose to ignore them, at your peril, but both your hands are tied up in preventing your son from falling to the floor and suddenly the Gro-bag, which is normally a wonderful invention has wrapped itself around you and you can't get out. Seeing his opportunity your son reaches up and presses your nose gently. You do not respond because it is bedtime and playing should not be encouraged. This quietness is met by a very disgruntled shriek (incidentally, is there anything so indignant or disgruntled as a toddler deprived of his wishes?) And you suddenly find your nose being mashed and twisted by two small fists. This never having happened before you are not expecting the violence or strength of the little boy who is trying to rearrange the shape of your face.<br />
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At this point you have decided to beat a swift retreat. The boy is kissed and placed, though plonked might be a better term, into his cot, you shut the door and subtly try to smush your nose back into place. In the end no harm was done, but a valuable lesson was learnt. Next time I put the little pugilist to bed I am going to be wearing full protective gear and pay closer attention to the swift right hook of my son. <br />
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01483882831213627079noreply@blogger.com3Coventry, UK52.406822 -1.519692999999961152.251857 -1.842416499999961 52.561786999999995 -1.1969694999999612tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3723734527432551318.post-14625414744812061862015-04-07T19:34:00.000+01:002015-04-07T21:56:26.051+01:00Flynn or Flyer? Your guess is as Good as MineMy son has a strange predilection. I have no idea how it has come about, nor what to do about it, therefore the only sensible thing to do is tell everyone about it. A problem shared is a problem that other people can laugh at you about, as they say.<br />
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It started fairly early, about as soon as he could speak really. His vocabulary, despite evidence on this blog to the contrary, is pretty limited, he can say 'digger' and 'up' (which for a while was a stand in for any sort of directional command. Watching visitors struggle with how to get him higher as they were squashing him up against the ceiling while he was bellowing 'up' at them was for a while one of my guiltiest of guilty pleasures, he has now learnt 'down' as well, so so much for that.) 'Bird' has also been a particular favourite of his. But one word has stood out above all others as his go-to word in almost any circumstance. It displays a singleness of mind, as well as such strange taste, that I find a little worrying.<br />
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What word is it? I hear you ask. What could it possibly be? The word that the little man can be heard belting out at the top of his lungs morning to night is 'Erro'.<br />
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Now I am left with two conclusions here as to what he is shouting about. He is either the world's biggest fan of <a href="https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=4MqmpL6X_8w" target="_blank"><span id="goog_1356387519"></span>post-war Swashbucklers<span id="goog_1356387520"></span></a>, and fancies himself as the next great screen Robin Hood, or he has developed a strong fondness for <a href="https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=vcwV00A9yGQ" target="_blank">old, not quite competent owls</a>. <br />
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Either way this is completely inexplicable. At every oportunity S can be heard babbling 'Erro'. He shouts it at me when I go to get him up in the morning, he shouts it at B when I take him through to her, he shouts it at people in the street and when we go shopping he shouts it at everyone he can see in the aisles. So far no-one has offered him a swordfight, or got offended that he has mistaken them for an owl, but I think it's only a matter of time.<br />
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The whole thing is not helped by the fact that if he doesn't get a response he just gets louder and louder eventually resorting, on one occasion, to grabbing my face and forcing me to look at him as he hurled the word at me with all his might. The only thing we have found that will make him happy, and quiet him down, is to say, "Hello" at him. Why this helps we are unsure but it is the only thing that will calm him down. Just another mystery that will never get solved I suppose, by the time he's old enough to explain himself he'll have forgotten he ever did it. Oh well, thanks for listening, it has been a weight off my mind, now I just need to try to find a shop that sells carrier owls and green tights.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01483882831213627079noreply@blogger.com3Coventry, UK52.406822 -1.519692999999961152.251857 -1.842416499999961 52.561786999999995 -1.1969694999999612tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3723734527432551318.post-91397201128644130822015-04-05T20:02:00.000+01:002015-05-09T20:31:56.371+01:00Glad to be Back<div>
Hello. Long time, no see. What have you been up to? Me? Nothing much. Busy, you know how it is. Let me tell you a little bit about it. </div>
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You'll remember that B and I have two children. N, who is 4 and S, who is 18 months. Well, there is another on the way. Due in August. Which is both very exciting but also quite scary. For one thing, once you have three children you've run out of arms, unless you're an octopus of course. Not being an octopus, and only having the normal number of arms, I am concerned about what is going to happen once we have our third and I am left an arm short. There have been a number of occasions when I have been grateful for the fact that I can tuck a child under each arm. Usually when I have decided that enough is enough and some daddyesque authority needs to be meted out. This is often because I have found myself submerged by children, one of whom is now old enough to know that if she can get her fingers inside my slippers I am guaranteed to shriek like an old woman and thrash wildly until the fingers come out. The other one, thankfully, isn't old enough to know this yet, but he is old enough to know that if N is doing that then he can cause the most havoc by charging over and landing on my stomach. <br />
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Hence the need for three arms, I can still effectively wrestle them both off and pick them both up. I have just enough arms for that. What am I going to do when I have three? And one of them is burrowing in one slipper, another is doing the same with my other foot, and the third has plonked themselves down on my abdomen in an attempt to render me immobile. I am going to run out of arms pretty quickly at that point and I'm not sure I'm mature enough to be able to make a decision about which child I should be trying to fend off with my foot while under that sort of pressure. </div>
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These are the sorts of questions that keep me up at night let me tell you. That and how am I going to be able to cope if I ever have to take them shopping. You won't recall because it is about 30 years ago that I last wrote on this blog, but my track record with shopping trips is not something that is going to inspire anyone with confidence. When I am next asked at a job interview what my greatest weakness is it will be hard to stop myself from blurting out, "My inability to control one small human in a retail setting." Although, thinking about it, unless I am going for a job as a personal shopper for a four year old, (and really, how likely do you think that is? I'd be terrible), that might not be a bad weakness to have, it's unlikely to compromise my ability to manipulate complex data, or to communicate with stakeholders at all levels. It might, however, lead to a discussion about that time I was outsmarted by my three year old daughter in a supermarket, which won't look so good really. Perhaps I should steer clear of that.</div>
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So anyway. I'm pleased to be back, I've missed you. And if you happen to have any advice on how I could go about growing an extra limb that would be most appreciated.</div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01483882831213627079noreply@blogger.com7Coventry, UK52.406822 -1.519692999999961152.251857 -1.842416499999961 52.561786999999995 -1.1969694999999612tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3723734527432551318.post-51107363977694857982015-04-04T16:38:00.001+01:002015-04-04T16:38:25.875+01:00Sick and Tired<p dir="ltr">There is nothing that can make you feel more worthless than having a poorly child.  Your job as a parent is to care for, bring up and love your children.  But when they get ill, that goes out the window.  The love is still there of course, but it is impotent.  It seems as though no intervention is enough.  None of the normal things work, not the tickling, or the funny faces, or even the throwing in the air, normally guaranteed to elicit a giggle, all fall flat in the face of the illness.  In the end, all you are left with is a lifeless little boy struggling to lift his head.</p>
<p dir="ltr">Until last night. (This post was written many months ago, S would be most upset if I was telling everyone he was ill yesterday, he wasn't.)  S had been suffering all day.  Some sort of virus apparently which has left him caring about nothing other than sleeping and a new cup with some of the least watered down juice he had ever tasted.  There had been moments of brightness, but they were often followed by tears and more lethargy.  One of those days when you can only hope to make him comfortable and help him go back to sleep really.</p>
<p dir="ltr">We put him down to sleep at around seven and he went down really well, no moaning at all, he just rolled over and slipped off, dosed up with the miraculous Calpol.  And that was that.  We heard nothing from him, until about 4 hours later.  Around 11 o’clock, just as we were getting ready to go to bed he started up, demanding attention immediately.  Now, we had got into a bit of a bad habit with N of bringing her into our bed whenever she put up a real fuss.  More than about forty five minutes (sorry, small typo there, should read four to five minutes) of crying would get her a free pass into the space between us.  Which would rapidly expand into the space across 75% of the middle of the bed.  It was amazing that even when she fit very comfortably within the confines of her cot put her in our bed and she was able to expand her limbs to fill the available space.  </p>
<p dir="ltr">Having had a number of rough experiences with N’s incredibly jabby elbows and knees, and feet, and head, we were determined not to go down the same route with S.  This determination has been helped by the fact that he is, in general, a much better sleeper than N ever was at his age (clearly making a bid for favourite child from an early age, sensible chap). Even when he is not asleep he is happy to just chill out in his cot, presumably plotting further ways to make himself the favourite, rather than screaming his head off, which was N’s reaction whenever we took her near her bedroom. And we had managed not to give in to him until yesterday.  He was awake, he was poorly, he was crying, we were just about to go to bed, our defences were down and suddenly there he was, lying drowsily between us, in his Grobag, like a little motionless marshmallow (as opposed to all the big motionful marshmallows you see).  It was all going so well, there were no spear like appendages trying to poke holes in my abdomen just a sad sorry little boy who didn’t look like he had any energy at all.  </p>
<p dir="ltr">And then it was like someone flicked a switch (I imagine it was B but I can’t confront her without solid proof, which I haven’t got yet).  He had been ill just seconds before, lying in bed, but suddenly he was up on all fours grinning like a maniac (imagine a tiny, very cute Joker) and rocking back and forwards like he was dancing to a Sabrina Carpenter song.  He was giggling and grinning, which of course meant B started laughing back at him (Exhibit no 1.) which encouraged him even further and from a sick quiet little boy, who I thought was going to give me a nice peaceful night’s sleep he changed into the performing comedian he can be.  It really is impossible not to laugh when he gets like that, and he knows it.  Finally I gave in too and all three of us were chuckling away together.  </p>
<p dir="ltr">Until it stopped, and he slumped down, worn out by his exertions.  I turned away again, silence having been restored, to resume my slumber undisturbed, but, alas, it was not to be, for behind me I heard the unmistakeable sound of my wife sniggering away, followed by a giggle from the same baby that, mere moments before, had been on the verge of sending himself to sleep.  Against my better judgement I rolled over again to find that he boy was doing the same ridiculous dance, which was abruptly followed by him diving across the bed and burying himself into B’s neck, lying there for a minute, still giggling away, and then giving a massive yawn and putting his fingers into his mouth to send himself off to sleep.  Unfortunately B was still laughing, which is an activity which involves more movement than you might imagine (it’s like her shoulders have got their own tiny, inexplicable trampoline), which meant that S couldn’t get comfortable and so was soon off again, jiving away to the secret beat only he could hear.  </p>
<p dir="ltr">At this point I had to step in as there had been far too much frivolity for what was quickly becoming tomorrow.  I casually pointed out that if he was now so cheerful as to be doing his best Coco the clown impression perhaps he could go and entertain his teddies in his cot and leave us to maybe get some sleep.  Nothing too pushy you realise, just sowing the seed you understand.  Well, seed sown, I realised my work there was done and again rolled over.  At this point all went quiet and it became clear that S had heard me and understood.  I was able to get him back into his cot where he cheerfully began regaling his teddies with stories of exactly how big a pushover mummy and daddy were.  I left him to it and went back to bed and didn’t hear him all night until about quarter to five.  Today he has been much worse than he was yesterday, even more lethargic and with no energy at all, but for a few minutes last night he was back to his own cheerful self again and it was wonderful.  Now I just need to find the switch B flicked and keep it on, until then I’ll just go back to being the man who gives the cuddles, and who always has the love.</p>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01483882831213627079noreply@blogger.com1Coventry, Coventry52.406822 -1.519693tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3723734527432551318.post-3312552624279826552014-05-21T19:54:00.000+01:002014-05-21T21:26:46.275+01:00One lump or Two?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Having been hijacked by my son, and then taken a fairly long
break from writing things, we are back to normal, with a quick story which
showcases my awesome ability to parent, as you will have come to expect.</div>
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S has moved on to eating things that aren’t completely
mush.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He still has no teeth so he’s not
the world’s greatest chomper, but he has a jolly good go.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Today it was these things, </div>
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Which are really great.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Good food, tasty (I know because I tried one, nom nom nom) and best of
all able to be held and mangled into an unrecognisable mass by the little
chap.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He loved the ones we gave him
before tea this evening.</div>
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I had just got in from work and poured myself a glass of
water and sat down next to the small man.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>He was proudly showing me all of his munching abilities, although I did
have to ask what the mushed up stuff was that he was eating.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He ploughed his way merrily through one of
the little rice cakes and then turned to me with an expression last seen on the
face of a young <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K4iEdMMjqdA" target="_blank">Mark Lester.</a></div>
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Not being a nineteenth century beadle I had very little
choice but to give in to that look and hand him another rice cake.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Which he began devouring with such intensity
I’m not wholly sure that he had been fed at all today before these rice
cakes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>(I have been told that I have to
put in a little disclaimer at this point because of course he had been fed
today, if we’re being honest he eats better than I do.)<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
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At this point in the evening I was feeling like a pretty
great father.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I had come home from work,
I had provided food for my son and had a conversation with my daughter, things
could not have been better.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So, of
course, at this point I had to do something stupid.</div>
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S looked like he needed a drink.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He really did, he was practically crying out
for one.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Given the desperation on his
face it wouldn’t have been a total surprise if he had opened his mouth and in
his first intelligent speech uttered the words</div>
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“Water, please, with a slice of lemon and perhaps a dash of
that elderflower cordial my good man.”</div>
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As it is all I had to go on was the pained look of thirst on
his face.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A look, I had better add, that
I entirely imagined.</div>
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Having misinterpreted the signs I leapt in with fatherly
alacrity and provided him with the only thing I had to hand that might possibly
help.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My pint glass of water.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>His eyes lit up at this unexpected bounty and
he slurped greedily at the water.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Well,
when I say slurped greedily what he did was grab hold of the rim of the glass
and pour the majority of it down his front.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I tried to wrestle the glass off him before he could do real damage but
the child’s grip is like iron.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He was
holding on for dear life as I pulled back, causing more and more of the water
to flow over him in what was his first experience with having a shower.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
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I drenched him thoroughly and then managed to prise his
hands off my glass.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Which was the point
at which I realised I had been well and truly out-foxed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Not only did I have the world’s wettest fully
dressed baby, I also had the unmistakeable remains of an Organix raspberry and
blueberry rice cake floating in the top of my glass, bobbing defiantly at me
whilst S chuckled away at my situation.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjrGIrW-kRtQNiIkI-AkXYSjDnI7BDxm7C-I-bvYSASP4u0bokGLfmy6PMglD9MjjmnlSEKn4r66AKviRTOa_VusbaD2isPgHjk85Uge0ybfO4m4sQcgYbkSPZr-UN5Pxdd3FUkT41BiLU/s1600/despoiled+drink.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjrGIrW-kRtQNiIkI-AkXYSjDnI7BDxm7C-I-bvYSASP4u0bokGLfmy6PMglD9MjjmnlSEKn4r66AKviRTOa_VusbaD2isPgHjk85Uge0ybfO4m4sQcgYbkSPZr-UN5Pxdd3FUkT41BiLU/s1600/despoiled+drink.jpg" height="240" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Is that a Rice cake I see before me?</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
For those of you keeping count that is time number 4 in
which I have been made to look stupid by a human under the age of 7 months,
which I am quite pleased with all in all.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>But for now I have learnt my lesson.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>From now on S will only be eating slices of lemon and ice cubes, whilst
wearing a wetsuit.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
Right, so how does this thing work?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I think Daddy just pushes these little things
and then stuff happens and Mummy laughs, although I’m not really sure she’s
meant to because then she generally says, </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Ooppss, shouldn’t laugh, but why does your daddy never
finish a sentence, what are all these commas doing?”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I don’t really know what Mummy means, I think a comma is the
little dinosaur claw looking thing at the bottom there but I’m not really sure
what it does (much like Daddy, is what I think Mummy would say).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It looks good though so I’m going to use it
too.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
</div>
<a name='more'></a><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’m not really here to talk about commas though, what I want
to talk to you about is something I’ve discovered that I think needs to be
shared with everyone.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You see all my
life I have been fobbed off with milk.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Now don’t get me wrong, I love milk.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>A lot.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I will make all sorts of
fuss for milk.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have been known to cry
very loudly if I think that I might not be getting my allotted feeds.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And I do keep a record of that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have tried negotiating for a feed on the
hour every hour but Mummy and Daddy don’t seem to think that’s appropriate,
something about “not really needing it”, and “must be full”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They’ll come round one of these days.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
At least the feeding was regular, and calming, and always
milky.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But then things began to
change.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I turned 6 months a week ago
which apparently means I am now a man and can do manly things.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It must be some sort of rite of passage
because suddenly my whole world has changed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Mummy and Daddy went out and bought a big chair a while ago.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Although to say that Daddy bought it is a bit
of an over-estimation, he just seemed to stand and chuckle at something while
N, my big sister, rampaged around on some sort of trolley.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He may have mentioned it already? </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I didn’t know why they would want a white plastic chair with
some form of wipeable surface for someone to sit in.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They all seem fairly capable of eating
without splattering stuff all over their chairs.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Clearly it was just another in a long line of
foolish purchases, but they won’t listen to me, they just babble the same
noises back at me like it’s clever.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So
frustrating.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But then, we got home, the
chair was assembled with masterful competence by Daddy (I think he’d like me to
say that) and I found myself sitting like a king in his throne 3 feet from the
ground.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This was more like it, sitting
in my appropriate place.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Then everyone
proceeded to eat something that wasn’t milk.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I had known, of course, before, that they would sit around the big table
and eat, but I was always so far down that I couldn’t tell what it was, so I
presumed it was just milk.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But this
wasn’t milk, it looked hard, and pink, and orange and green and other colours I
don’t think food really should be.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But
they were all sitting and eating it whilst I had to sit in my white throne and
watch.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I did not like that, so I told
them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And for once they listened.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Because one day soon after I was put in my
chair, pulled up to the table and presented with something that wasn’t milk but
it seemed that Mummy and Daddy wanted me to eat it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What else was I to do?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I let them put the spoon thing in my mouth
and sucked.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It was amazing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Maybe
not at first, it wasn’t milk, or very wet, and it tasted a bit funny, but it
wasn’t long before I realised it was actually tasty.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And it kept coming.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Day after day more stuff is put in front of
me, sometimes the same, sometimes not very nice (please tell me people don’t
eat the curvy long yellow fruit thing in real life, yuck) but sometimes,
sometimes I get something that is incredible.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Like the other day when we went out and Mummy gave me something she
called pearbrocollipeas.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don’t know
what sort of thing pearbrocollipeas is but I think I could eat that all day
every day.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Mummy began to get a bit
worried I think when I had munched my way through almost an entire carton, but
she got the message when I growled at her when it looked like she was going to
stop.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So, when you get fed up of milk, don’t worry, because just
around the corner is a massive white chair and a little blue spoon, and as much
food as you can eat.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Nom nom nom.</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01483882831213627079noreply@blogger.com1Coventry, UK52.406822 -1.519692999999961152.251857 -1.842416499999961 52.561786999999995 -1.1969694999999612tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3723734527432551318.post-7422940884334349852014-04-23T21:01:00.001+01:002014-04-23T21:01:59.123+01:00Ode to the Pools<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="35" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="10" QFormat="true" Name="Title"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="22" QFormat="true" Name="Strong"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="20" QFormat="true" Name="Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="Table Grid"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 1"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Revision"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="34" QFormat="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="29" QFormat="true" Name="Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="30" QFormat="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 1"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 1"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 2"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 3"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 6"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 6"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" QFormat="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="21" QFormat="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" QFormat="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" QFormat="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="37" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Bibliography"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="TOC Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="41" Name="Plain Table 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="42" Name="Plain Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="43" Name="Plain Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="44" Name="Plain Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="45" Name="Plain Table 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="40" Name="Grid Table Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="Grid Table 1 Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 2"/>
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Sometimes
a time and place is so great that I’m not really sure how to react.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In cases such as this I just seem to end up
with a goofy grin on my face as I try to fight off the urge to become 6 again
and run everywhere.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>(Like I keep telling
people I am not the best person to be left in charge of small children.)<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>These times don’t come around that often,
(you won’t find too many goofy smiles going on in a finance office) which means
along with fighting my inner 6 year old and trying not to grin maniacally at
complete strangers I am also trying to remember everything.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Which, I suppose, makes having a really great
time somewhat equivalent to revising for a Latin exam, which is the first time
I have ever thought that.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
One
of these occasions happened about a fortnight ago when I had the day off work
and all four of us went out to Ryton Pools.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Which was amazing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>N was having a
great time being able to charge around like a lunatic.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>S was not quite as interested in stuff or
desperate to push himself into absolutely everything so was happy to trundle
round in the pushchair and mostly be asleep.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>B and I were being pulled here and there by N, mostly at a speed at
which I have become unaccustomed to going.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
The
best bit was when we turned a corner to discover a magnificent play area with
absolutely no one else around (presumably due to it being a slightly overcast
Monday) and a zipwire and massive slide.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>N, of course, was in her element and screamed round trying to go on
everything at once.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She did have a brief
respite as she sat on the swing and demanded that I pushed her as high as I
possibly could.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Which, being the six
year old that I am, I was happy to go along with. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>After ignoring the disapproving looks of B
for quite a while (looks, incidentally, which were perfectly justified. The
second time we had a go with the swings I pushed it too hard and N flew off
backwards.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>All was ok, the play area was
barked and it was quite a soft landing but if we had paid more attention to the
looks it probably wouldn’t have happened.) it was deemed best by me if we
stopped that and moved on to watching N go down the incredibly tall slide.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhmzUzIeH38CHfcEN-LHrIUVUVqFpH_aE8GiR5L_CnVh1BUvNcSchT7LTQba5g6TrNd7OD2aqsOQANk7l5_wupkEeYs1jVezlqYPUkdoFYWzUXypNunPhri7ltFVxdKmEkNhR1tbttpAqs/s1600/2014-03-31+12.07.48.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhmzUzIeH38CHfcEN-LHrIUVUVqFpH_aE8GiR5L_CnVh1BUvNcSchT7LTQba5g6TrNd7OD2aqsOQANk7l5_wupkEeYs1jVezlqYPUkdoFYWzUXypNunPhri7ltFVxdKmEkNhR1tbttpAqs/s1600/2014-03-31+12.07.48.JPG" height="240" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I know, massive right?!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
Turns
out I was the only one at all bothered by the fact that the top of the slide was
being obscured by the clouds, N happily scampered up the towering structure and
then proceeded to take twenty minutes to slide down to the bottom (not quite
that long but it felt like it).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Presuming
that once down the death slide would be enough I moved to go on something
else.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This, however, was not amenable to
the young Eddie the Eagle who turned and charged right back up to the top.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This went on for a number of goes while I got
lulled into a bit of a sense of security.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>This was rudely shattered by the voice of my daughter who had appeared
at my side and was tugging at my arm demanding that I follow her up the face of
the Eiger in order that I might join her in sliding down again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This had not been part of the plan but I was
caught off guard and so found myself slogging up to the icy summit.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
It
turns out I was not designed to be sliding down 90 feet inclines, especially
ones that begin to taper about half way through to leave me completely
stuck.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Cue gales of laughter from my
sympathetic family members as I struggled to free myself from the grip of the
slidey jaws.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m sure there must have
been a lesson in all that for me somewhere but I just couldn’t quite put my
finger on it.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
Finally
I extricated myself and rejoined my family who had lost interest in my plight a
long while ago and had moved on to playing on the zipwire.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I watched through my fingers as N was hurled
down the wire to come crashing at the other end, all the while cackling with
delight as she was thrown around by the sudden halt and then rebounded back
down the wire.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In the end we were all laughing
along with her, even S who had woken up at this point and looked like all he
wanted in the world, besides his next meal, was a go on the funny moving chair.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> <table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjpCdHeJ4ryN1zDUv6AO5uqBHBcQ3UCOnd9CyEn-QbBBCvB_c8GAy7PhhD5PoxIXILAkLr8L44etD4pkAupz8LxigQYaqzsrFuNs8ZC2_NJPGYR9sKLudjJC5Ooim_M09k2nFq26Y7opAY/s1600/2014-03-31+12.14.49.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjpCdHeJ4ryN1zDUv6AO5uqBHBcQ3UCOnd9CyEn-QbBBCvB_c8GAy7PhhD5PoxIXILAkLr8L44etD4pkAupz8LxigQYaqzsrFuNs8ZC2_NJPGYR9sKLudjJC5Ooim_M09k2nFq26Y7opAY/s1600/2014-03-31+12.14.49.JPG" height="240" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Here mummy, let me push you now.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
It
is this time that really sums up the time we had together at Ryton.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>N laughing her head off as she defied gravity
and bruising.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>B and me unable to stop
ourselves from laughing along, S looking on and wondering what on earth sort of
family he had been born into while all around us the wildlife looked on
presumably glad they weren’t as silly a species as these humans were.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
Perhaps
I just don’t get out enough, but I’d prefer to think that it really was a
wonderful day, that there really isn’t anything better than the faces of your
family being wreathed in smiles while playing together, and that there is no
place at all for slides which are taller than the tallest building I have ever
seen.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But they do say everything looks
bigger when you’re six. </div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01483882831213627079noreply@blogger.com2Coventry, UK52.406822 -1.519692999999961152.251857 -1.842416499999961 52.561786999999995 -1.1969694999999612tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3723734527432551318.post-925055290619073012014-04-16T07:00:00.000+01:002014-04-16T20:09:07.277+01:00Do you like Gammon 'Am?<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Bullet 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Bullet 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Bullet 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Bullet 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="10" QFormat="true" Name="Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Closing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Signature"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Default Paragraph Font"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Message Header"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="11" QFormat="true" Name="Subtitle"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Salutation"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Date"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text First Indent"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text First Indent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Block Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Hyperlink"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="FollowedHyperlink"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="22" QFormat="true" Name="Strong"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="20" QFormat="true" Name="Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Document Map"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Plain Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="E-mail Signature"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Top of Form"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Bottom of Form"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal (Web)"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Acronym"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Address"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Cite"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Code"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Definition"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Keyboard"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Preformatted"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Sample"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Typewriter"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Variable"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal Table"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="annotation subject"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="No List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Contemporary"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Elegant"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Professional"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Subtle 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Subtle 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Balloon Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="Table Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Theme"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Placeholder Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" QFormat="true" Name="No Spacing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Revision"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="34" QFormat="true"
Name="List Paragraph"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="29" QFormat="true" Name="Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="30" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="21" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="37" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Bibliography"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="TOC Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="41" Name="Plain Table 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="42" Name="Plain Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="43" Name="Plain Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="44" Name="Plain Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="45" Name="Plain Table 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="40" Name="Grid Table Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="Grid Table 1 Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="List Table 1 Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="List Table 6 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="List Table 7 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 1"/>
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
Fridays are normally a day when I get a lift home from work
by B, with N&S.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Last Friday was no
exception.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The reason why I get a lift
is that they have all been to Grandma and Grandpa’s house.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Which is great for them all, and comes with
the added benefit of meaning they all get a proper lunch.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The issue with this is that it would look a
bit odd if I took in a steaming plate of sausages to work on a Friday,
especially as it would be cold by the time it actually got to lunchtime, and
there isn’t really space on my desk to accommodate the brown sauce.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
My lack of a proper lunch leads to a split tea on a Friday,
with N and B usually having sandwiches whilst I have something more
substantial.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This brings us to a couple
of Fridays ago when I happened to ask, in my unsuspecting way, what I might
have for tea.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was informed by B that
she had got some gammon out for me that morning.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It is usually at this point that N interjects, and that Friday
was no exception.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“What am I having?”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“You’ll be having sandwiches,” came the terrible reply,</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Can I have gammon?”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“No, you had sausages for lunch.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
N knows that this is going to be the answer and in many ways
this is just her making conversation.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Because
it turns out little girls can talk, like really talk, but that’s for another
day.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>On this day though she decided to
take it to another level.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It was faint at first, just a little sound, but gradually it
became louder until finally it was distinguishable.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>N had begun to sing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I would now like to present to you N’s first
foray into song-writing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I hope you
enjoy it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This is to the tune of “Head,
Shoulders Knees and Toes.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I don’t like gammon ‘am gammon ‘am</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I don’t like gammon ‘am gammon ‘am</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And eyes and ears and mouth and nose</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I don’t like gammon ‘am gammon ‘am.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Clearly we have found our generation’s Noel Coward.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If anyone has any ideas on how we might get
her set up with a record label they would be gratefully received.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
What really puzzles me is why she suddenly started exploring
the nether reaches of a cockney accent as she belted out ‘gammon ‘am?’<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Perhaps B has been sending her to <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k_mpaF5-SlU">chimney sweep school</a>
whilst I wasn’t looking?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was so
pronounced every time she got to that lyric (which was a lot as we had to have
the song over and over again because it made B and I laugh so much) as though she
really had been born within ear shot of <a href="http://www.stmarylebow.co.uk/">Bow
bells</a>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Although I’m fairly sure I
would have remembered that.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg_S4VFkvmilFWQoE0UDQ8cLoUs6NNLWduiIaOgf_twIXnpHTARstEcf6J3JjOT8Cxe5bdyjkOgxQrFceL_pBK9ARCSBXElfFzih-6Z4A8PjeGDSkU6tqR7aRSX0zRU4WUywAWCxwiBSps/s1600/Dick+van+Dyke.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg_S4VFkvmilFWQoE0UDQ8cLoUs6NNLWduiIaOgf_twIXnpHTARstEcf6J3JjOT8Cxe5bdyjkOgxQrFceL_pBK9ARCSBXElfFzih-6Z4A8PjeGDSkU6tqR7aRSX0zRU4WUywAWCxwiBSps/s1600/Dick+van+Dyke.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">He looks like he probably likes Gammon 'am a lot.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In the end we got home, I ate my tea, N ate hers, my gammon
was lovely, and not that Cockney inflected and that was that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But every now and then N will decide it’s
time to bust out the song again and we will all end up with a smile on our
face, which I suppose is the point of music after all.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And for the record, N really does like
gammon, ‘ammy or not.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01483882831213627079noreply@blogger.com2Coventry, UK52.406822 -1.519692999999961152.251857 -1.842416499999961 52.561786999999995 -1.1969694999999612tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3723734527432551318.post-52875452555678613622014-04-04T18:00:00.000+01:002014-04-04T18:00:07.568+01:00My Mistake
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<div class="MsoNormal">
One of the reasons that I ended up in Mothercare chortling
over the name of a pushchair was because I needed new shoes, the shoe place was
next to Mothercare and so, lo and behold there we were.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This, though, had stumped N for a little bit
as we drove up the road.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Very early into
the drive she had asked,</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Why are we going in the car to the meeting?”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Which was a perfectly reasonable question as the meeting is
only a 3 minute walk from our house and it would be remarkably lazy if we were
to drive.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>However, on this occasion the
meeting was not the destination and so it was explained to N that we were on
our way to get daddy some new shoes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>This was accepted with a little shrug and the words</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“My mistake”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It isn’t so much the words, but the nonchalant, “oh well, I
suppose you win some you lose some” way in which she said it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Now if only she would be that calm when we
tell her she can’t just wear her swimming costume around the house.</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01483882831213627079noreply@blogger.com1Coventry, UK52.406822 -1.519692999999961152.251857 -1.842416499999961 52.561786999999995 -1.1969694999999612tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3723734527432551318.post-44543963042955659462014-04-02T19:51:00.001+01:002014-04-02T19:51:57.462+01:00A Question of Names<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Salutation"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Date"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text First Indent"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text First Indent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Block Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Hyperlink"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="FollowedHyperlink"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="22" QFormat="true" Name="Strong"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="20" QFormat="true" Name="Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Document Map"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Plain Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="E-mail Signature"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Top of Form"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Bottom of Form"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal (Web)"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Acronym"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Address"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Cite"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Code"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Definition"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Keyboard"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Preformatted"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Sample"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Typewriter"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Variable"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal Table"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="annotation subject"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="No List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Contemporary"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Elegant"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Professional"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Subtle 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Subtle 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Balloon Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="Table Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Theme"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Placeholder Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" QFormat="true" Name="No Spacing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Revision"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="34" QFormat="true"
Name="List Paragraph"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="29" QFormat="true" Name="Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="30" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="21" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="37" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Bibliography"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="TOC Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="41" Name="Plain Table 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="42" Name="Plain Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="43" Name="Plain Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="44" Name="Plain Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="45" Name="Plain Table 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="40" Name="Grid Table Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="Grid Table 1 Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="List Table 1 Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="List Table 6 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="List Table 7 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 5"/>
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<div class="MsoNoSpacingCxSpFirst">
I am a terrible father.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Which for those of you who have read this
blog before is probably not earth-shattering information but may be necessary
for the novices amongst us, and if you are new please feel free to have a poke
around, I don’t think the place is too cluttered so make yourself at home and
enjoy reading about my many and various failures, this post will give you a
nice flavour of what is in store for you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacingCxSpMiddle">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacingCxSpMiddle">
I really am a terrible father.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We went to Mothercare on Saturday.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Fabulous shop, N was in her element, B was
determinedly scoping out high chairs for the little man, who is getting less
little and more massive with every feed (and there are plenty of those), S was
trucking along with B, presumably thinking about how long it was going to be
before the opportunity came round for him to eat something. Judging by how
frantic he gets sometimes I’m fairly sure he has some form of atomic clock
tucked away inside one of his many rolls of fat that he consults at regular intervals
and which probably begins to vibrate more and more violently as the time comes
round for feeding, unfortunately, as S is in control of the device the feeding
times come around roughly every twenty minutes, which may be a bit too
frequent, but I’m no expert.</div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacingCxSpMiddle">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacingCxSpMiddle">
So there we were, the three of them having a
thoroughly enjoyable time whilst I, though of course I should have been playing
with N and helping B in the great high-chair reconnaissance exercise of 2014,
and explaining to S that it’s not fair if he keeps his cool atomic thingummy
hidden away from the rest of us; I should have been doing all these things, but
sadly, as soon as I step into a place like Mothercare my juvenile side takes
over.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This has the effect of making me
wonder what on earth I am doing there and why anyone in their right mind would
let me have sole charge of children.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>All
the other parents in there seem terribly serious and competent and ready for
whatever situation comes their way, I on the other hand find myself in the rather
embarrassing position of chuckling away to myself at what appears to be the
name of a pushchair.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You see, while I
should have been concentrating on making sure that my daughter wasn’t doing a
Godzilla through the wooden train track which was out in the middle of the shop
(though curiously without any train at all, really Mothercare, you put it out
to play with and then just leave all the children hanging, imagining the fun
they could have been having if they had thought to bring two tiny wheels and an
axle with them, I could almost have justified a small Godzilla rampage of my
own, but I managed to hold myself back) I was actually beguiled by a large sign
hanging over a pushchair which bore the name, </div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacingCxSpMiddle">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacingCxSpMiddle">
“<a href="https://www.mothercare.com/Silver-Cross-3D-Pram-and-Pushchair---Monodot-*Package-Exclusive-to-Mothercare*/625283,default,pd.html" target="_blank">3D Monodot</a>.”</div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacingCxSpMiddle">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacingCxSpMiddle">
Which seems to me to be a particularly strange
name for anything.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Surely, unless you
stumbled into Mothercare desperate to lay your hands on a Rembrandtesque
picture of a pushchair (which is a bit more colourful and with fewer sharp
edges than Picasso’s) then are you really going to expect anything you come out
with to not be in 3D?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>How disappointed
would you be if you ordered a pushchair online only to find that you were able
to roll it up and put into a cardboard tube?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I really don’t think that trumpeting itself as ‘3D’ is going to set it
apart from the rest of the pushchair market.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Presumably someone in marketing thought parents are so addle-brained
that they would need reassuring that something to which they are going to be
entrusting the comfort and safety of their baby is more substantial than the
air that they breathe, which maybe I am, but everyone else that I saw in
Mothercare that day didn’t seem like they needed telling.</div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacingCxSpMiddle">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacingCxSpMiddle">
<br /></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhU1jaciapSuTVE3rKJCltOZIf8tnrNWK1m3yqYj6sM2XPLwbJ0eL0yiqcpiiaqJj-KeHPS0s4HxrfyjdgZPxjKV9_1XkBY4ZBO7nc_KLHuLLQZpznUFBjTnBv-XCFq8nnKgjGoYDGetSE/s1600/silver-cross-3d-pram-and-pushchair-monodot.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhU1jaciapSuTVE3rKJCltOZIf8tnrNWK1m3yqYj6sM2XPLwbJ0eL0yiqcpiiaqJj-KeHPS0s4HxrfyjdgZPxjKV9_1XkBY4ZBO7nc_KLHuLLQZpznUFBjTnBv-XCFq8nnKgjGoYDGetSE/s1600/silver-cross-3d-pram-and-pushchair-monodot.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The item in question</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNoSpacingCxSpMiddle">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacingCxSpMiddle">
What is perhaps even more perplexing is the matter
of the second half of the name.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>3D is
bad enough, but then to couple that with the word ‘Monodot’ seems to completely
muddy the message.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Which is it?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sturdy and substantial, as implied by ‘3D’ or
airy, ethereal, frankly incapable of carrying anything with a greater mass than
a drop of ink, as ‘Monodot’ would suggest.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Can, indeed, Silver Cross, the manufacturers of the item in question,
have forged the way to creating a new race of beings known as the Time Lords,
with their ‘bigger on the inside’ pushchair?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>If so I hope they never read this and I’m sorry I ever doubted
them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Somehow though I don’t think
so.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacingCxSpMiddle">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacingCxSpMiddle">
The point of all this though is that I stood
for a good while thinking all this through.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Meanwhile my daughter was happily flying through the store on a little blue
trolley contraption that was definitely 3D and substantially more hazardous
than a monodot.</div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacingCxSpMiddle">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacingCxSpLast">
I am happy to report that no major damage was
caused, the wooden train tracks remained in one piece, so to speak, most of the
books remained on their shelves and the ones that didn’t were easily replaced,
and I think, over all, I got away with it. Next time though, when you see a guy
just standing and chuckling to himself over the name of a pushchair, please
just tap him on the shoulder and ask him if that is his daughter that is
escaping out the door in a pushchair shaped suspiciously like the TARDIS.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He’ll almost certainly thank you for it.</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01483882831213627079noreply@blogger.com0Coventry, UK52.406822 -1.519692999999961152.251857 -1.842416499999961 52.561786999999995 -1.1969694999999612tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3723734527432551318.post-2641267337860869472014-03-20T20:51:00.001+00:002014-03-20T20:51:41.510+00:00A Matter of Trust<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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Babies can be funny.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>And by funny I suppose what I really mean is infuriating and
unfathomable.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>S is now 5 months old and
we have tried to get him into a routine of sorts when it comes to bed
time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Usually we put N to bed first,
followed immediately by S.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He plays with
his big sister a little and then is taken away to be stripped and prepared for
the final feed of the day.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This often
includes a good amount of play time as he lies on his changing table, naked,
and able to waggle his legs around as much as he likes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Which is a lot of leg waggling.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I mentioned Ian Woan in an earlier blog, and
it is times like this that I am able to see the likeness, when he has the
freedom to throw his legs around exactly as he likes there’s a definite shape
to his left leg that suggests he is just lining up to rifle a free-kick into
the top corner of the net.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Or perhaps it’s
just me.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
He loves this, the whole thing, the playing, the waggling.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We have a giraffe called Sophie, let me
introduce you, here's Sophie</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgWbpxL_bL7HRzEALcINHdvLDS-vMfQ1mqjcDqpSkwFRB3D9H6cSZ-ZNorlkkjgnIHzohh-UQ2LD92EWeQ2Z1B_CxRsCgF9A_OSY8dv4swWPcZHthGQYphMn1hTdYhp6kwKaXPZWLyT_XE/s1600/Sophie+the+girafe.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgWbpxL_bL7HRzEALcINHdvLDS-vMfQ1mqjcDqpSkwFRB3D9H6cSZ-ZNorlkkjgnIHzohh-UQ2LD92EWeQ2Z1B_CxRsCgF9A_OSY8dv4swWPcZHthGQYphMn1hTdYhp6kwKaXPZWLyT_XE/s1600/Sophie+the+girafe.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Cheerful isn't she? Probably because she doesn't realise she's about to be chewed by my son. </td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Probably a common sight for many of you, Sophie is, after
all, quite the popular toy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But no
matter how many other homes she has infiltrated, S loves her.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Chewing, pulling, he hasn’t mastered the art
of making her squeak, but if it wasn’t for that B and I would be pretty much
redundant.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As it is we are marginalised enough
as he plays and chuckles and grins away.</div>
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</div>
<a name='more'></a><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
But then it changes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>As soon as we step in to get him into his pyjamas everything
changes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s not that he dislikes
clothes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In the mornings when you go
through the same process and get him dressed he is as cheerful a chap as you
could want.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s just at night, when you
try to put his pyjamas on him he becomes a monster.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>His wails pierce the night, every night and
even when I explain to him that it’s not really appropriate at his age to go to
bed without anything on he doesn’t calm down, it’s almost as though he doesn’t
understand.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
B and I think we might understand though.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And it all seems to stem from the fact that S
is the greediest young man I have ever known.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>His problem, as evidenced by the fact that he is instantly silent as
soon as it happens, is that he is worried about not being fed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Despite the fact that every night the same
thing happens, every night he plays, is dressed and then fed, and so far, every
night he has been fed, neither B nor I have forgotten, he just seems distraught
at the thought that today might be the day.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I suppose it’s good of him to make sure that we don’t forget, although
it doesn’t feel much good when you are desperately wrestling to get an arm in
as he screams in your face.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m not much
good at the arms at the best of times, even when they are mostly in and he is
helping you as much as he can (I still have trouble with N’s arms and she can
practically do it all by herself now) but when he is throwing himself around
trying to hurl himself off the changing table in an attempt to get to the food
it doesn’t make for an easy situation, or a well-dressed baby.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
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Perhaps all I really want to say is that I hope you learn to
trust us little man.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We do care, we won’t
forget to feed you and we just want you to be well looked after and
comfortable.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So when we get to tomorrow
night, and no doubt you will be angry at the thought of not being fed, I’ll try
to understand, and we’ll just keep building that wall of trust one night at a
time.</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01483882831213627079noreply@blogger.com0Coventry, UK52.406822 -1.519692999999961152.251857 -1.842416499999961 52.561786999999995 -1.1969694999999612