Wednesday, 21 May 2014

One lump or Two?

Having been hijacked by my son, and then taken a fairly long break from writing things, we are back to normal, with a quick story which showcases my awesome ability to parent, as you will have come to expect.

S has moved on to eating things that aren’t completely mush.  He still has no teeth so he’s not the world’s greatest chomper, but he has a jolly good go.  Today it was these things,

Which are really great.  Good food, tasty (I know because I tried one, nom nom nom) and best of all able to be held and mangled into an unrecognisable mass by the little chap.  He loved the ones we gave him before tea this evening.

I had just got in from work and poured myself a glass of water and sat down next to the small man.  He was proudly showing me all of his munching abilities, although I did have to ask what the mushed up stuff was that he was eating.  He ploughed his way merrily through one of the little rice cakes and then turned to me with an expression last seen on the face of a young Mark Lester.

Not being a nineteenth century beadle I had very little choice but to give in to that look and hand him another rice cake.  Which he began devouring with such intensity I’m not wholly sure that he had been fed at all today before these rice cakes.  (I have been told that I have to put in a little disclaimer at this point because of course he had been fed today, if we’re being honest he eats better than I do.) 

At this point in the evening I was feeling like a pretty great father.  I had come home from work, I had provided food for my son and had a conversation with my daughter, things could not have been better.  So, of course, at this point I had to do something stupid.

S looked like he needed a drink.  He really did, he was practically crying out for one.  Given the desperation on his face it wouldn’t have been a total surprise if he had opened his mouth and in his first intelligent speech uttered the words

“Water, please, with a slice of lemon and perhaps a dash of that elderflower cordial my good man.”

As it is all I had to go on was the pained look of thirst on his face.  A look, I had better add, that I entirely imagined.

Having misinterpreted the signs I leapt in with fatherly alacrity and provided him with the only thing I had to hand that might possibly help.  My pint glass of water.  His eyes lit up at this unexpected bounty and he slurped greedily at the water.  Well, when I say slurped greedily what he did was grab hold of the rim of the glass and pour the majority of it down his front.  I tried to wrestle the glass off him before he could do real damage but the child’s grip is like iron.  He was holding on for dear life as I pulled back, causing more and more of the water to flow over him in what was his first experience with having a shower. 

I drenched him thoroughly and then managed to prise his hands off my glass.  Which was the point at which I realised I had been well and truly out-foxed.  Not only did I have the world’s wettest fully dressed baby, I also had the unmistakeable remains of an Organix raspberry and blueberry rice cake floating in the top of my glass, bobbing defiantly at me whilst S chuckled away at my situation.

Is that a Rice cake I see before me?
For those of you keeping count that is time number 4 in which I have been made to look stupid by a human under the age of 7 months, which I am quite pleased with all in all.  But for now I have learnt my lesson.  From now on S will only be eating slices of lemon and ice cubes, whilst wearing a wetsuit.

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